A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with a friends ex wife for 5 years. I did not pursue her but things just happened and we fell in love and truly felt this was the one,I never broke up the marriage at all. we now live together for the past 2.5 years the ex husband tells their kids that live with us every other week (3 girls 8,13,16) That I broke up the marriage and they would still be together if it was not for me and they hate me and think i split their parents up. I love their mom but the living situation is getting unbearable,Has anyone gone through this and what was the outcome? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): Poor kids and I have to feel for her ex. He's lost his wife and family, and now she's with his friend who shares the upbringing of his children!.."This says it all really. Look at this from your "friends" point of view. He was married to her. Issues in their marriage. She gets with you. Divorce. And now YOU are bringing up his kids . Cant u see that HE is hurting , that his life has been turned uoside down.If this was was ever your friend u will have some compassion and mercy for him. Your gf is also very insensitive to her ex hb. If the shoe was on the other foot how would she feel if he was sleeping with her friend.U cannot blame these 3 kids for feeling what they do. I have learnt one thing in life and that is KIDS know... They are not stupid, they really see us adults for who we really are. If u really want to show them that u decent and a good guy then take a step back and review your situation. Look at the issues in your friends marriage with your now gf. When did u actually start becoming the 3rd party. Did u establish a relationship with your friends wife while she was still married to your friend? All these questions will require introspection from you: brutal and honest introspection. You may not like your new answers but at least u can see this situation clearly.These kids are hurting and i do not blame them for feeling the way they do. What is their relationship with their mother? Does she try to even understand their plight and their emotions?Try to be objective and see how you 2 being together has destroyed their lives.This situation is not easy for everyone involved. Can u see yourself as the "enemy" for the rest of your life. Will u get up one day and decide that u need to get out. Can u see yourself in this "new family" or will u always be the outsider? U may have to make choices soon.LoveGirl
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): Your girlfriend needs to explain to her kids that their father is lying and is setting a very bad example for them as a human being.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): I've been through coparenting classes several times because I am divorced and have a 13 y.o. The NUMBER ONE thing they tell you NOT to do is disparage the other partner in front of the kids. This ex husband is doing the worst thing he can do pitting his kids against their Mom.
When are couples going to understand their relationships as parents are different from the personal relationhips with their partner? You DON'T drag your kids into it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (18 August 2011):
 The dad didn't want the kids to think he failed the family. He also want the kids to hate you. Your girlfriend needs to explain to them why the divorce took place and that this is their choice and dad was just making things up because he's sour grape. If the mom and dad really still love each other, no one could break them apart. She has to firmly tell the kids she does not love dad anymore, do they want mommy to be happy, or do they want mommy to be miserable. She has to reassure the kids that she is indeed happy with you, and she has no regrets with the divorce, and that she trusts you to be a good father figure. It will also be helpful if she can tell her ex husband to please move on with life and let go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2011): Poor kids and I have to feel for her ex. He's lost his wife and family, and now she's with his friend who shares the upbringing of his children!
However its not the childrens fault and they must have been so very young when the divorce happened they won't know what went wrong,just that their lives changed.
How you do something about it is tricky and is down to your partner to sort out. Her ex has to stop laying blame and put his feelings aside and they need to talk,but after 5yrs of it the damage is done and will be hard to undo
I personally can't see it ever being easy or healthy though so it's up to you.
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