A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am having a similar problem and was wondering if you guys had any advice for me. I have known this guy for 2 years and have kept in contact off and on during that time. Around then end of January we started dating. It was great, we talked every day because I was really sick and couldn't get out of bed... when I got better he flew me up to NYC to see him, and I drove up there for my spring break which he came back with me. The only thing that he asked of me was not to ever lie to him and to be myself. Even though those seem like easy conditions it was hard for me. The only thing I ever lied to him about was my sexual past... not that I slept with a bunch of guys but there are things to be ashamed of and things that I would rather forget... they all happened before we got together. Now we are on break and his ex gets back in touch with him and says that they never broke up and never went on a break... even though she didn't talk to him for 2 months. He is getting back with her when she comes down to florida from NYC. He now calls me his bff and sister. I love him and I hang out with him every day. He got me to open up to him and share things about myself that I have never told anyone. I want to show him that I love him and am just as good as his... I guess now current gf. I asked him if he loves her and he said that he wasn't sure but he would know when she got here... he said that after we went to the movies and he held my hand through the entire thing just like he did when we were dating. I don't know what to do, I don't see any cute guys any more and I don't want to hang out with anyone else if it means that I won't be around him. What should I do?
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female
reader, Original shiraz!  +, writes (25 April 2009):
you might not want to but the best thing for both you and the guy (your ex) is to give it some space, the whole situation needs to calm down if you want to move forward.
This guy has moved on, some people never really let go of there ex's and they are always apart of your life and in some cases will make themselves your future. Its unfair for you and puts you in a difficult position. You ask what you should do? id let this go. You love him and have shared a lot with him, the memories will never fade but in time the love will change, time apart can help you move on from him, dont stick around for somebody who is happy and settled, its his mistake to make the whole ex re run is never a pretty sitation to be in.
You see that hes moved on now its time for you to do the same, its hard to accept but you dont have what you once had, you dont have a future with somebody who is in love with somebody else you can give it all youve got and spend all your days devoted to him but you cant force him to change, his whole heart needs to be in it and who knows one day it may well be? but for now his head is somewhere else and you cant hang around, if he summed up the whole situation from different angles im sure hed want you to move on and find happiness too.
he thinks a lot of you but not in the same way as you do, you mean a lot to him but dont read into things, if he liked you in that sense then he wouldnt want to get back with his ex. He can obviously confide in you and you share a past so your good mates but i think thts all there is to it, if you can live with that (which im doubting you can) then just be his mate, if not and your feelings are too deep and will be for some time then you need some time apart in order for you to move forward.
You need to let go of the past in order to find and make your future, everyone deserves happiness just sometimes they find it with the wrong person, when that happens you get straight back up and dust yourself down and be the strong person you are.
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