A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:We've been together for 5 years and we lose that spark we had before.We almost argue and fight all the time and we broke up 3 months before and now getting back together again.But things have changed and so do our feelings. He said he doesn't know what he expect from this relationship as he feels we are two different people ( different background and hobby and thought).He's going to propose marry me next year, prepared all the things and I rejected him and since then he's so depressed and maybe that changes his feeling to me and become insecure and hard to trust me again.I'm the one who initiates dates and meeting now. He also doent make surprise for my birthday like before although he take me out for dinner and buy me gift.But he's just not excited like before.He got angry easily and said he's tired when we argue and ask me what do I think about our relationship? What if we are not together? While I can calm him down and promised I would change not nagging and asking to much.He's not used to be like this. I'm so sad right now.I know he's trying hard to gain money for our future but now I'm unsure about it, as he said he doesn't want to think much anymore.Could it be some factor affecting him to explain why he's acting like this? I think our worst problem communication. We can't talk and share things like before. We always argue and there's always something bother me or him. However, when we don't argue and things went right, he's still invites me to his family gatherings and still treat me like his girlfriend when we met. He's kind as usual to me and he also tell me to think what bedroom design that I like for us ( he also ask about it before he propose) which is good indicator that he's still thinking about marriage in future.I'm kind of introvert and don't have many friends. He said I can't help him much with him dealing with his problem as I don't have much knowledge and common sense because I don't socializing.I think its true.I don't know much about what happen outside. He told me to go on more outings and be socialiizng more so that I can learn more and be more mature?He said there's no woman like me nowadays that not thinking of career and doesn't want to move forward.I don't know why I feel so small after he told me that although I realize its true. He said he's okay with me being like this and tell me to do what I can and don't bother what he does. He knows which is right or wrong.I feel so helpless and depressed.I wish I can be more like a better person for him? I don't know why he loves me while I don't have any good quality in myself. Everytime I asked him about this he got angry. I just feeling so lonely and insecure right now and become so depend on him. I don't have much choice.What can I do to create that spark we had before again? And what can I do to bridge our relationship and better myself? I want to be with him but I just don't know how to make this relationship better and stuck at here.. I don't understand what he's thinking and what should I do. Please help and advice me..
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broke up, depressed, got back together, insecure, money, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, MSA  +, writes (30 October 2014):
 Why did you get back together with him? Do you love him?
Those are two very important questions that you will need to think about and answer honestly.
It's not uncommon for relationships to 'lose that spark', especially after 5 years of being together. This is where you both need to put in that extra effort to add that 'spark' back into your relationship.
Bottom line is, you need to LOVE this man and he needs to LOVE you, for this to work. If not, nothing you do or try to do will make this relationship work.
Best of luck to you.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (30 October 2014):
 We can cut to the quick with this: "I feel so helpless and depressed.I wish I can be more like a better person for him? I don't know why he loves me while I don't have any good quality in myself.".....
There's only ONE question.... do you and he have sex? If "yes," then that is "the answer" to all your woes.... If "no," then you can and should start working to learn why he's such a jerk....
Good luck...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2014): Strongly advise you work on your self-esteem. You are a worthy person, and you need to see that about yourself, too.
When the spark is gone and feelings have changed, that's indicative of a couple falling, or have fallen, out of love. It's not healthy to stick around one who is critical.
It's best for both of you to move on and find one whom is complimentary to your personality type.
Take care, and remember life is too short to be in a stale relationship.
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