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female
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anonymous
writes: I have gotten back with my boyfriend of two years. We went through a hard stage of cheating. He says he wants to be with me but behind my back he is messaging other women asking to 'start talking' with them. I even caught him telling his ex she was sexy. He says these things are insignificant. What should I do? He just doesn't understand how much this hurts no matter how much i explain..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): My best advice to you is GET OUT NOW!!!! He isn't ready to be committed to just one woman. Better you save yourself the time and effort and wasted years on someone who doesn't have respect for you or your feelings. You need to stand up not only for you, but your health, because GIRL, he will cheat and he won't be safe and that puts you at risk.
Don't ever think he is going to change. If he feels it is insignificant, he's not ready to make the choice to put you first and make you his best friend. Openness in any relationship is key. If he hides emails, phone calls, text messages, IMs, then you truly don't have Honesty in your relationship and most likely never will.
I hate to say it, but 'He's just not that into you'. His words are lips service. Until he really shows you that it is over, by telling the girl in front of you, copying you on an email, or whatever, it's not. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He has a problem and HE needs to fix it. Love is kind and respectful and honest. When you have a tight bond and friendship with your mate, nothing and no one will distract him from you. Don't let him drag you down into a hole of self doubt. HE HAS THE PROBLEM. -- MOVE ON
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 If nothing else just stay strong, positive and focused OK.
He will not know what to do when he comes across the new you who is strong and not prepared to put up with his lies anymore.
I get the impression though that you have now taken off those rose tinted glasses so he had better watch out as he won't know what's hit him when he comes face to face with the new you.
Go girl, give him hell eh!!! lol
I also think that this whole ex business has given you a wonderful insight into knowing what to watch out for in a new man and when you find him I think it will be fantastic so good luck.
Take care.
Country Woman
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll of you have given me such insight and I'm taking it all in...thank you very, very much!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2007): well i think he must know this is hurting you and yet he continues to do it. thats the issue, not the actual conversations. tell him this and if he doesn't respond appropriately then i'd get rid of him because its clear he doesn't care about how you feel
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A
female
reader, elsie +, writes (8 June 2007):
 it sounds like hes addicted to getting a buzz out of contacting these other girls.he obviously has a very low opinion of himself and need to be constantly boosted by new or old girlfriends.he enjoys the adrenaline kick.this is probably too much of an addiction for you to overcome and you say you went through a hard stage of cheating.i think if sounds like hes still cheating and thrives on the lies.let him go so that you can get on with your life and have some peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (8 June 2007):
 these things are most certainly not insignificant, if he can't stop doing this and be totally 100% faithful to you then get rid of him because there are many men out there that can and will be totally faithful to one person.
Take care.xx.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 June 2007):
Once a cheater always a cheater in most cases, not every case but I think your ex is still liking the fact that he can play the field.
I think you are worth more than what he can offer you and if he wants to keep women on the side then that is fine but find someone who is OK with that, not many women who would be and why should you be any exception eh!
He is your ex and that is for a reason, don't wait around to get hurt again when you are already seeing the signs before you go back into the relationship.
Get out now and find someone who is truly worthy of your love.
Sorry to put it this way but honesty is always the best policy in my book.
The world is your oyster and don't get stuck with an old crab with claws for any female passing his way.
BFN
Country Woman
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