A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Iv got a problem! I have been with this bloke for nearly 3 years on and off. I thought we where very much in love and in the past have split up because of arguments but we both knew we still loved eachover! we split up and jsut recently we have tried to give it another go. At first everything was great and he took me out and was lovely and caring towards me and kept telling me he loved me.up until a week ago we havent had sex, now we have. Since then I havent seen him and he has been really distant with me and has not made time to see me at all. I just dont get it and I try speaking to him about it but he just tries to avoid the subject. Is he just using me? can someone help!?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (16 June 2008):
 It might just be that he was looking for sex, but I think that the real issue is that you two have not worked out whatever it was that was causing problems in the first place. If you've had a rocky relationship, arguments and splitting up over the past 3 years, and have not resolved what it is that is causing these rifts, then you are right where you started.
Both parties have to want to work on these things, and even though there may be deep feelings on each of your parts, that's not enough for a stable, balanced relationship. You may be incompatible on some fundamental level.
So I think you need to assess honestly the 'what works' and the 'what doesn't work' aspects of your relationship with him, as does he. If he's not willing to work on things with you, then you have your answer too, in a way. Not making a decision to work on the issues is the same as admitting that the relationship isn't going to work.
Sorry for that, but maybe this is a good time to take a break from the relationship, and focus on yourself and what you are looking for in a partnership. You may be spending a lot of time on something that is not going to be repairable, and you might be missing out on a man who is right for you.
Take care.
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