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female
,
anonymous
writes: I met a guy on a night out, we live quite far apart from eachother but he was texting and ringing me all the time saying lovely things, he seemed like the perfect guy and was really keen. we met up twice in one weekend and had a great time both days. Now he has completely changed, he now treats me as a friend and never calls. I tried to end it, saying it was obvious his feelings had changed but he said he still feels the same as day one, but has never had a serious relationship before and i need to bear with him. I'm trying my best but his constant platonic messages are weighing on my mind and making me miserable as i really like him. i bought it up with him again and he said the reason for the change was that he doesn't want to let me down as he can't be around much, however i haven't asked anything of him yet he seems to think i'm asking him to change his life for me, i've told him this and he says it's a good thing and we can see how it goes. but now i know how lovley he can be i'm still feeling really down about the whole thing. i really like him and don't want to give up but i'm tired of being miserable. i'm too worried to ask him if he wants to meet up again in case he thinks i'm being too demanding, so i'm waiting for him to make a move. am i wasting my time here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): Hate to ask: but did you have sex with him on that weekend where you met twice? If so, that MIGHT be why he has backed off - he had a "fling" and that's it.
HOWEVER, I don't want to be unfair, so if you did not have sex, it does not strike me that there is much potential for a relationship here. Consider:
He never calls
Told you he's never had a serious relationship before and you "need to bear with him."
He tells you he can't be around much, and therefore doesn't want to let you down
He seems thinks you want him to change his life for you
He said "see how it goes," yet he doesn't call you and doesn't make arrangements to meet.
It seems pretty clear from this side of the computer that continuing to take an interest in him and hoping for something is a losing proposition. He probably is a very nice man, but obviously, for whatever reason, he either won't or can't try out a friendship with you.
Let it go and move on.
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