A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some help. Ive been seeing my boyfriend since august and officially been together since november. Hes 8 years older than me. We spend alot of time together but usually spend approx 2 evenings per week apart. We get along brilliantly! And its going really well. But theres a few things ...1. We always go to his flat. He lives alone, i live with a flat mate who is barely ever there. Hes visited my flat once for 10 mins, i always go to his.2. Hes a student although gets paid to do his studies but i do earn more than him. Hes really tight tho and i pay for 75% of everything we do plus i have a car and he doesnt so i always take us places.3. We do mock each other and call each other silly names but i'm also very loving, where as he never tells me how pretty i am/how he loves me. Ive brought this up before and he said i dont need to tell you, you already know it.4. We previously had a discussion and he said he knows i like him more than he likes me. Whats that all about?I also feel like he doesnt appreciate me, i often buy food and toiletries etc for his place and he never thanks me. If i bring him a little treat when i go shopping he again doesnt thank me. If i make an effort to look nice, he either doesnt comment or will pick a small fault with how my hair is/what im wearing. He has told me before about how pretty he thinks i am and that he feels that other people would be looking at him thinking how did he get her but that was a long time ago.I know this all sounds really negative and he sounds awful but hes not. I know he loves me, we get on amazingly and were fun together but sometimes i just feel abit down about the relationship. Any advice?
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (6 June 2014):
 Hi there.
It sounds to me as if there are basic incompatibilities here between you two. He doesn't seem to notice them or care about them as much as you do, I suppose because they don't effect him like they effect you. You have needs that aren't being met and that's why you feel this way.
You've brought it up to him before and his response was to dismiss your feelings - telling you that you don't really need what you claim to need. So he's not really willing to work on it, it seems. You can try to express it again and see how it goes, but I wouldn't get my hopes up. He doesn't seem to hear you.
You have to decide - are these differences too much to deal with? Are they deal breakers? If they are, then you need to move on because he's showing you that they won't get better. If they aren't, you may just have to deal with the differences between you two and accept it for what they are.
Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2014): I wish my girlfriend were just a little bit like you....
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