A
female
age
30-35,
*cythe
writes:I've been going out with this guy (my first proper boyfriend, I'm 18) for a month now. We get along well physically (no sex.. mostly kissing/cuddling etc) but I find that I can't talk to him. I called him last night for a chat, and it was just so awkward. I feel like I have nothing in common with him. I'm trying really hard to make it work... I even wrote a list of things to talk about. I'm also worried that we don't share the same values about sex. I'm the kind of girl who wants to wait until I love and care for someone deeply (even wait for marraige) before I have sex, but already he wanted me to do something sexual that i didnt really want to do (I did it anyway, but I didnt say anything so its really my fault, which i understand).I wanted to talk to him about whats happening with us, but after I suggested it he said 'he didnt like the sound of that' and his mobile is turned off and he isnt replying to my messages. I'm really confused as to what to do.Sometimes we get along so well, and he does little things that makes me feel loved. Some days are great. But other times its as if we are strangers forcing ourselves to talk to each other.Please help! All advice and opinions are appreciated.
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female
reader, scythe +, writes (2 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the question Don't worry, I've certainly thrown the remote away. I'm not seeing him anymore.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 February 2008):
 He treats you like a remote. When he wants you , he just turn you on and when he does not want you , he just turns you off.
Throw your remote away.
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A
female
reader, scythe +, writes (2 February 2008):
scythe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell Aunts,
Firstly, thank you so much for your caring replies!
What happened in the last few hours is this:
I got home from work and tried to call him again. He let my call ring through. His excuse (vis sms) was that he is with friends at the moment. Fair enough. He said he would call me when he got home. About an hour ago I get a text message from him saying that
"im guessing you want to talk about us, but i dont want to do that. weve been on a few dates and ive had a good time but im not looking for a relationship right now - ive just come out of an intense relationship and i atm i need to get my uni back on track"
how charming! the thing that really irks me is that he didnt bother to tell me that he didnt want a relationship to start off with, BUT when we were together, he acted like a proper boyfriend.. he even invited me over to dinner with his parents. mixed messages? another thing that annoys me is that he wouldnt even DISCUSS is with me.
sigh! ah well.. first boyfriend.. can't expect too much i supose.
thanks again for the replies guys :)
- Scythe
xox
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (1 February 2008):
It takes time to know more of each other. He is not a talker for sure.There will be differences and outlooks between you and him.Maybe , he is the moody type.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2008): Honey, I know exactly how you feel. Me and my boyfriend always got on from the word go, and could talk, but then we began to be more physical and sexual, and now it feels as though our ability to talk has died a bit because we're more physical all the time.
You probably feel disappointed and upset about it, which is totally understandable. To be honest, I know this sounds stupid, but I'm not sure what advice I can give. All I can say is, message me if you'd like to talk, because I think I'm going through pretty much the same thing. Just talking to someone might help. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.
Good luck :]
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A
female
reader, Orlando  +, writes (1 February 2008):
 I've been exactly where you are and he never really got anymore interesting or interested. . it seems like he doesn't really care for your feelings, maybe he's not ready for a serious relationship where he can take in what his girlfriend says and respect it. . .it seems like if you stay with him he'll eventually have you rushing into things you say you're not ready for. . .what you can do to try save this relationship, is ask him what he likes doing or something he's been meaning to do but hasn't got the chance. . I.E see a certain movie or ice skating or try a certain restaruant. .and go do that with him. . then he can try something of yours the following week or so. . .
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