A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need more help.I used to talk to this guy a few years ago, through a dating site, but we never met yet we were really close. He once started making fun of me when we were talking and I didn't know why. So I stopped talking to him, and never contacted him again for 3 years.Until last year. I had always thought of him in the back of my mind and I wanted to see how he was. At first, it was ok, we spoke a lot, and he told me how he'd been in the army and doing loads of exciting things. He wasn't the same though at all, I guess I expected him to be the same. I asked him if he wanted to meet for a drink, he only lives 1 hour drive away, which is funny as we never met.He is who he is, but I am finding it hard as I think I made the wrong decision inviting him back into my life again, and feel stuck. He is a nice guy but I really wanted to meet him, finally (not for a relationship) just as we were so close. I feel like a part of me has gone, as it was always there.What can I do to feel better about this? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RubyBirtle +, writes (5 January 2015):
Okay, so you met a guy over the internet but he didn't match up to your expectations when you finally met him in real life. This is very common with internet dating - people find they were compatible on paper (and via text/email) but not so much in the flesh. I thinks it's prefectly acceptable to decline to meet again.
Of course, this can be hard to do. No-one like feeling like the bad guy when we have to reject someone romantically but it happens. I'm sure he can take it.
After all, you stopped talking to him once before. Why is it any harder this time?
I think part of your problem is that you're mourning the loss of a fantasy. You've had years to build an image of this guy - all the time you were talking plus those 3 years where you were just thinking about him - and you're sad that this guy doesn't really exist.
A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (5 January 2015):
Meet him. It's not going to do you any harm. you might, infact get a closure for once. Don't put too much of yourself out there when you do. Take your time to know him. Its been a long time, of course people change. You might be feeling differently cause you are a changed person.
When you meet, you can decide if you wanna stay in touch. If you choose not to, no harm done.
Don't forget, real life if different from what you deal with online.
Good luck :)
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