A
female
age
30-35,
*hortbabygirl07
writes:Okay, im really torn. Ive been with my boyfriend for 9 months. I love him very much, but we fight soo much that it makes me crazy! Its little stuff that it is dumb to fight over, but we constantly are arguing or pushing each others buttons. idk why. it just always seems to happen. When we're happy, its like cloud nine. but when we fight i dont know why im still here, ya kno?n I cant see my life without him and the fights are getting harder and harder to overcome. please someone help me Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): Wow, can't live with him, can't live w/o him...
Seriously, you two may need to seek some expert advice. While couples counseling may seem extreme for a couple so young, it might be the best gift you two ever give each other. I'm NOT a councilor, but here's an Amateur opinion.
Odds are really good that you’re both triggering each other. He may be stirring up old scenarios from your past, and you in turn his. It’s not all that uncommon…
Or, you could be feeling unheard, which hurts your feelings and in return lashing out at him to show him how it feels.
If that’s the case, this is an unhealthy response that’s only going to make things worse. You two might need to learn how to express yourselves so that the other one can actually hear what you’re trying to say. This may be a great time to learn some better communication skills. Odds are that a third party can assess what you’re doing, tell you and suggest some alternate ways to relate your feelings rather than fighting.
I learned my relationship skills from my parents, who were 22 years old with 3 kids in diapers, they thought me everything they knew… which frankly wasn’t much. It took a lot for me and my wife to learn what we were doing to each other (unintentionally) and it’s been a great learning experience! Try it… you’ll learn some skills that you can take with you for the rest of your life!
A
female
reader, coffeebean86  +, writes (9 September 2009):
 In the heat of a fight - its hard to think properly and normally we do or say stupid things which make the situation worse.
Try this: when you two are good and lovely - try asking him this "when you are angry or upset over something, what is the best way to resolve things before it gets into a mad fight?" that is, ask if it is best for you to leave the room and let him vent by himself or if you should just quietly be there next to him, or something else. This should apply for both sides of course.
Getting upset in a relationship can't be avoided - but hopefully you can prevent it from getting too hectic.
...............................
|
