A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've fallen hard for a co-worker. I'm married, and she has a long term boyfriend. When I started the job we both noticed each other but neither of us were looking for anything more. I realised the crush I had on her was stronger than I had intended several weeks ago, we managed to find some time alone to talk and discovered we felt the same way. Whilst that burden was a relief at the time it's steadily grown worse and were are falling hard for one another. Nothing has happened between us that isn't innocent, however we both know it's not as innocent as that, and we've had to sneak around, hide texts, emails etc.We have no time alone in which any temptations might be tested, even at work we have maybe 5 minutes alone each day to talk openly without risk of being overheard. There is an obvious thrill in the secrecy, but we know it's dangerous and are resolved to stop the texting. What is harder to deal with is the feelings and emotional attachment we have for each other. We are filling in missing pieces in each other's lives. We make each other happier, and if we were single there'd be no question in where this would go.What's the most problematic is we have no time to resolve any of this through talking it out, we are stuck with it in our heads. I don't want to not have her in my life, but we have no exit strategy, and all roads lead to inevitable heartbreak.There's really no question of either of us doing what we'd want with the relationship, we can't just leave the job, we can't ignore each other. We are stuck in a limbo that have the highs of us thinking about each other, and lows of the guilt and remorse for even thinking them. We know the last thing we should do is plunge into a full on affair, that would destroy both of our worlds. But we fear doing nothing is just a slower inexorable path towards hooking up. Thankfully there really is no opportunity for this to ever happen as things stand.We feel like we are playing with fire and our home life, and work life are starting to suffer. There's no way to address this without making things worse first. So we are stuck talking about what we need to do but unable to do so. It's a stalemate where we can't move forward in any direction, we can't walk back either, at least neither of us would want to. There's no closing Pandora's Box.I hope we can maintain a friendship, but fear for that not working out. Either way there is a lot of pain coming our way. Heartbreak seemingly inevitable. Still looking for the tiniest of light at the end of the tunnel, but coming up blank. This is unfair to everyone involved directly or otherwise, we weren't looking to complicate our lives. Until we found in each other what was lacking in our own relationships we weren't too unhappy with our standing relationships. Our perspectives are changing on this, but we are not stupid as to think the grass is greener on the other side.I just don't know what to do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2013): The problem lies in your marriage (and hers but she isn't the one writing in) so that's where you should start.Examine what's missing in your marriage. Then decide if you want to gibe your marriage another shot to be more fulfilling and feel the way your affair does. If yes then you have to end all contact with your affair partner. Yes it will be hard and it will make you miserable but time will heal all wounds eventually so just tough it out. But don't just end the affair and do nothing about your marriage or you'll just end up in an affair again whether with another woman or you'll rekindle this one. If youre convinced that you will be happier with your affair partner (although you might find that a real relationship with her feels different from an affair) then the only honorable thing to do is to come clean and divorce your wife. Regardless of what your affair partner does even if she doesn't get leave her relationship too. Because its just not going to work to stay married to someone while always pining for someone else. that's not fair to your wife. She should be set free from a marriage where she will never be number one in her hb 's eyes so she can seek a new relationship where she will. If you're going to always be pining for your affair partner who wont leave her hb then at least do it on your own without having supposed commitments to another woman that you're not fulfilling.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (1 January 2013):
 Yes... there is a great thrill in parachute jumping.... UNTIL the darn thing doesn't open.... and you experience the hard landing at the bottom....
Hope (both of) your 'chutes open soon....
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, shna  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 the minute you have to start hiding txts, emails or lieing about being home late or who you were talking to means uve already started cheating ...
leave you work if you can i know times are hard financially but if you want your marraige to work you will do what you can to save it whether it be moving to a different department or working from home. this woman may be in a relationship but your married and you made a vow knowing you would never do anything to hurt your spouse.
people take marraige for granted and this is post that proves it
at least be honest with you wife and let her know where she stands instead of still being unfaithful
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 January 2013):
 If you feel like you marriage can't be fixed then divorce your wife. So you can be free to date someone else without it being a secret. Simply tell her this can't go on and at least on your side there will be no hard feelings. The world will not end. A burden will be lifted once you make a resolution and stick to it.
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