A
male
age
41-50,
*onelyButNotAlone
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half, but this last month and a half she's been very distant. We've always been so close, very affectionate, had sex often... but now, it's almost like she doesn't even wanna be in the same room as me.We don't see each other terribly often to begin with; she works 2nd shift during the week, I work days. The most we usually see each other during the work week is the few minutes before I'm getting ready for work.Even when the weekends come, she ends up sleeping in quite late just because of her schedule and spending most of her time chatting with people on IRC.I let the distance between us continue for a few weeks, but eventually it became to much for me to bear and I broke down right in front of her. Later we spoke about it and she told me that she's just been feeling depressed lately. She wants to go back to school full-time and quit her job (which she's unhappy with), but she can't afford to do it. She stated that this is just how she deals with it... by withdrawing herself. As for sex, she says she's just going through this phase of not wanting it. She doesn't even know why she's not in the mood anymore.I'm trying my best to be understanding, but this is made especially difficult by the fact that while she seems to put more distance between us, she wants to spend more and more time with her friends. Does anyone else cope with stress and unhappiness in a similar manner?I just don't understand. I'm not sure what to say, what to ask. We continue to talk about the future, so it doesn't sound like she wants to break up... and by all appearances, she seems to be her normal self, the only difference being that she just doesn't want to be as close to me. Am I wrong to doubt her?I know that she's not cheating on me, at least physically. I just don't know what to say, ask, or do. It's really starting to get to me. I'd hate to seem as if I'm being needy or clingy, especially after she told me why she's being distant.I just don't know how much more of this I can take.
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male
reader, LonelyButNotAlone +, writes (19 August 2008):
LonelyButNotAlone is verified as being by the original poster of the question have you ever asked her why she does not want to be you....
it has to be more then just being depressed there is another
reason why she dosent want be with you cause if i was going
thru that i would want to be with my boyfriend all the time
She states that it's just how she copes with it. I feel the same way as you - when I'm upset, I cling to my loved ones.
next time u see her try to comfort her, ask her how was
work? and try not to talk about sex that often cause if
she dosent want to do it right now that you dont want her
to feel unconfortable...... and tell her you love her more
often hug her tight hold her hand and give her alot of
kisses cause sometimes thats all someone needs.
I ask her everyday about work and I haven't brought up sex since we last talked about the distance between us (despite that it's been over a month now). I'd love nothing more than to comfort her and provide her with support, but she pushes me away, not just emotionally, but physically. She doesn't let me hold her like I used to, and is abrupt with kisses... and lately it's always been me needing to initiate all the kisses, hugs, or any sort of physical affection between us.
Thank you for the response, I appreciate the input.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): she is just going thru like she said a "phase" and she really wants to go back to school full-time but she cant afford to and she dosent like her job right? and so that is a way to be sad and depressed cause she want something she cant have..... but that isnt a way to just be so distant if she is going thru a hard time then she would want to be with her own boyfriend...... have you ever asked her why she does not want to be you.... it has to be more then just being depressed there is another reason why she dosent want be with you cause if i was going thru that i would want to be with my boyfriend all the time....... the next time u see her try to comfort her, ask her how was work? and try not to talk about sex that often cause if she dosent want to do it right now that you dont want her to feel unconfortable...... and tell her you love her more often hug her tight hold her hand and give her alot of kisses cause sometimes thats all someone needs....... i hope i helped!!!!! and good luck!!!!i hope everything goes well!!!!
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