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age
36-40,
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writes: Hello everyone, I'll do my best to make this short: Basically, guy of my dreams walks into my life three weeks ago. He's 29, lives in NYC but is freelancing in Boston for a few months. I am 22 and living/working full time in Boston. Unfortunately, he has a long term girlfriend back in NYC who is pressuring him to get married. He has told me on many occassions that because marriage is a serious issue with him (both of our parents are still together and we want to preserve that "for better or worse" essence and not fall prey to society's penchant for divorce, etc etc) and because it is a serious issue, he does not want to marry just because it is the "right time" and not because it is the "right girl." Also, he freelances around the world and still thinks he has a few more years left in him to scratch the traveling itch. He claims to never have cheated on his girlfriend until me. (I know, I know, it could all be B.S....) At first we just hung out as friends, and often, we still do; but we cannot escape the physical and emotional attraction. We get along on an incredible platonic level, I can not stress that enough. I have told him that there is someone else in my life (there is, however marginal) and that I am not looking for a relationship. Indeed I am not looking for one, I merely want to have a good time with this kid and enjoy the color he has brought into my life and enjoy this extended "summer love." Any advice on navigating this sort of relationship? Obviously, I would love to date him. But because of this cheating business, Ill never allow it. Has anyone ever found love outside their relationship and dumped their current ball-and-chain for the better woman?
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female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (20 August 2008):
 Yes I met someone whilst dating someone else. I am now married to him. However I was never 'in' love with the other guy, nor him me, I only dated him for 7 months and I knew we had no future. The guy I met was single and didnt pressure me into leaving the other guy, sleeping with him etc, he was prepared to wait as long as necessary as he wanted me in his life. It was three more months before we got together as I felt guilty even though I knew my husband was my soul mate and the other guy wasnt.
Your guy however is not single, still has the itch to travel and has cheated with you. Would you be able to trust him??? What will happen when he stops working in Boston, will he go home and forget about you. I would just take things a little bit slower and see what happens as it could fizzle out as soon as he leaves. Dont get hurt x
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008): Yes, I have. I wouldn't call my ex a ball-and-chain exactly - we had 14 great years together and she looked after me royally. I like to think I looked after her too. I bear no animosity whatever towards my ex - she was (and probably still is) a very good woman, and I'm happy for her that she found love again and has remarried.
I left her for my 1st cousin, who I've been madly in love with since I was a teenager. We no longer call ourselves cousins, but partners. We've had many happy years together now and I see no reason why this trend should not continue.
My ex is a wonderful woman, but I loved my cousin more, and I wasn't putting all my effort into my marriage, so I did the only right and decent thing under the circumstances and left the marriage.
I hope you find as much happiness as I have.
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female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 August 2008):
 Is someone attached to someone else the guy of your dreams? I wouldn't mind betting thats not the fairy tale you was thinking of when growing up.
Just tread real careful. Other than that i dont know what to say. It all sounds really dangerous and comlex.
Hope you work it out.
C xxxxx
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