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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: hii am married to man who is nice and treats me well.we been married 3 yrs..i am a student,my husband earns very gud money. we go for movies ,restaurents once in a week,a yearly vacation..i never asked him more than that..the problem is he never save money for ourselves even though he earns very good money.he sends all his money other than we spend to his parents..i always feel like he should save atleast half of which he sends his parents...i never brought this issue with him bcos i always feel like i dont have right to ask about his money...and i dont want to hurt him sounding like selfish woman...but in my mind i always feel like i dont want to abandon his parents,,just saving atleast half amount is not a big deal...am i right in my thinking,can i brought up this issue with him ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): Thank you all for nice and thoughtful suggestions
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): I don't even know where to start here. You are a family which means all actions of both partners need to be discussed especiallyof you are not in a position to use your money without even thinking. This luxury can only use the most fortunate ones who are not even 2 % of population. If you are an average middle class family money situation must be agreeable to both parties. It doesn't matter who works or who doesn't, it doesn't matter if a woman is making her own money or not, there is no such thing that one partner goes and sends significant amount of money to his family without discussing it first. A woman can be stay at home mom for years, it doesn't mean she has no saying in how family money is spend. In families where one partner does what he wants with his money and another has no saying in it there will never be a stable financial situation and no family goals will ever be met. Especially when that partner doesn't clearly understand the importance of savings as in your case. Marriage is about common goals. A woman can earn her own money which most women nowdays do but to keep separate budgets is very wrong and never did anyone any good. My own example. My husabnd is not a spender, but he has a habit of not counting what he spends. We had a bit of a problem with his sudden purchases that in early years caused us quite a bit of frustration with bounced checks all the time. We had a long discussion with him and came to conclusion to of us if its more than a 100$ he needs to discuss it with me to be sure we have enough money in a bank. It worked perfectly and became his habit. Now, years later we are comfortable enough not to worry about bounced checks and spending him more thatn that but he still checks with me, because I am the one who does all the banking. If there is no partnership other problems will occur, one or both parties start pulling a blanket on their own side. I saw it happened many times. And as far as the amount of money he spends on his parents. Does he send them actually more than they need? Do they have luxuries? This is what you need to discuss. If he sends them just enough to get by, there is not much you cando here. They need to eat and palace to sleep. But if he sends them enough to take ocean cruises every six months then you have a right to say what you think. As a parent myself i would never ask my children for money unless I was starving.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2014): Are you wanting to save for something in particular?
Or a rainy day? maybe his parents days are rainy now.
If you were starting a family or buying a home,then yes he needs to save for his new family but you say you want for nothing.
Why not get a part time job and use that as savings and ask if he will match what you save.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): My dear, your husband's money is your money too.
What you'll be earning when you finish school, will be his too. You share all that you have. Don't feel bad for making the suggestion to save; because that is wise. You have to have a financial cushion for your own personal emergencies. God forbid he should lose his job, or become disabled; he must have something to fall back on.
Make-out a budget on paper or on your laptop. Create a spread-sheet of the income, mortgage, cost of school, the household living expenses, money for your entertainment, what can still go out to his parents, and what should be put aside for a rainy day.
You assume he will be angry with you or that you will look selfish. It would be for the benefit of all that you should be so wise. You might even make an appointment to sit down with a financial-planner; who can help you manage your money wisely.
I don't know what country you're writing from. I assume it is cultural to quietly allow the husband to do as he pleases. You are an intelligent woman, or I doubt he would have chosen you as his mate. Speak-up. It will benefit your household and his parents will still receive his financial support that they obviously need.
They took care of him. He is a wonderful loving and generous son. You shouldn't have any problem working this out. If he gets angry or upset by your suggestion; it will come to pass that he will wish that he had listened. If you don't say anything, and something does happen to set you back financially; you will regret you never said anything.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2014): If he has always supported his parents and they are dependent on him, let him look after them. I am a firm believer that a woman should be independent and what she does with her money is her business and same for the husband. Especially if he gives you everything and there is nothing short at home. There are some people out of loyalty and responsibility will look after their parents especially if the parent sacrificed a lot to educate them.
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