A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:im 24 and my fiancee is 23 we've been in a relationship for two years now and we're engaged too, but recently i met this other women while i was away on a lads weekend and we hit off straight away. we both had no intentions of finding someone new but it happend now we really like eachother and are falling for eachother too, but we don't know how to let are partners know that we've met another person without hurting them, any ideas would be so great thanks.
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (14 September 2011):
 You are cheating on your fiancé already, so rather you had intensions or not, doesn't matter. I don't know what you are waiting for to talk to your fiancé. There's no easy way, and waiting won't make any difference.
You don't deserve your fiance, you have no right to choose, so have the decency to let go of your fiancé, so she can have the chance to meet someone that truly deserves her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): The longer u cheat the harder it will become
U are delusional if u think that both your partners won't be hurt
If u want to show u have any integrity then the sooner u tell the better
LoveGirl
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (14 September 2011):
You simply have to make a choice, of who to have a relationship with, and let the other person know your decision. It isn't an easy decision, but it is a simple one.
In my opinion, it is best to be clear about who you want to be with in the present moment. Take a week away from both if you are able, to get some clarity, and just be in touch with who you want to be with.
Often people in long term relationships end up meeting other people who can give them the things that are missing in their current relationship. Often, the problem can be resolved in your current relationship by communicating and working to develop the things that are missing. In other cases, it is an indication that the relationship can't give you what you need, and you need to move on. Only you can know. Take a bit of time and space to be clear, to eliminate as much confusion as possible, and then choose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 September 2011): there's no way to tell your partners this without hurting them so dont' even try to make "not hurting them" a goal.
The only way to not hurt your partners is to for you and the new woman to forget each other, go back to your partners and recommit to those relationships.
If you can't or dont' want to continue the relationship with your fiance (and there's nothing wrong with deciding this, you're not married after all), then you just have to tell her and not try to manage or control her reaction. It's far better you do this now than to proceed with a marriage under these conditions.
One thing you should do is to be direct and to the point, dont' spend an hour beating about the bush.
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A
female
reader, yowie +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Really.
Your fiancee is going to be hurt whatever happens.
You had the opportunity to walk away from this other person, knowing you were already in a committed relationship, and didnt. So either you werent ready to be in a long term relationship, or you wanted your cake and eat it too, and the guilts have you.
You're cheating on your poor fiancee. Man up and tell her the truth, and get what you deserve.
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A
female
reader, supernanny +, writes (14 September 2011):
 Do it sooner rather than later!
I think that you should both talk to your partners and explain what you feel like, if your partners love you as much as they say they do then they should be willing to let you go if you decide that that's not the relationship that both of you want.
I don't know if your planning on telling your partners or not, but if you do make sure that you don't make it aggressive in any way and you all talk about it in a calm and grown up manner.
Hope it helps :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): In all likelihood there is no way to tell them without hurting them. Not only is she your girlfriend, but she's your fiancee. You committed yourself to her and now you're breaking that commitment-- that's a big deal.
The only thing I can say is to tell her the truth as soon as you can. There's no point in stringing her along if you've really changed your mind.
(I'd also suggest taking the time to really evaluate your feelings before you do this. Are you in love with the woman you just met, or is it just fleeting lust? Can you see yourself spending the rest of your live with her over your fiancee? All worth considering before you fess up.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): There is not way to let them know without hurting them. If you no longer want to be with your fiance you have to face the fact that you are going to hurt her a great deal. But it is moral to end the relationship and not sneak around behind her back. That way she will know the truth and can work toward healing rather than become a constant emotional mess. With the continuous agony and suspicions that is caused by a cheating partner, at least she will know and have the chance to move on in her life instead of be stuck being faithful to someone who no longer wants her. As heart breaking as it is to have someone say they don't want the relationship anymore, I think it is less hurtful than cheating. It is less likely to cause her permanent scars that will last her whole life, possibly ruining her future chances with someone who will not fall out of love with her. So be honest and know that you will be causing great pain, but that it is less pain than if you were sneaking around.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2011): There's no way that you can let a fiancée know that you've fallen for someone else without hurting them.
My only advice would be to consider if your feelings for this woman are greater than your feelings for your fiancée, and also if you can see a future with this new woman.
If you answered yes, then I'm afraid your only option is to tell your fiancée everything. She probably won't take it so well.
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