A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a coworker who's been hot and cold with me for about a year now. The past month, he's come on strong, being very physical and sexual. I would like to have a friends with benefits situation with him. I'm single, and not interested in a relationship, but some action may be nice. We've discussed the fact that we mutually want to have sex, and the desire is there, however, he's gone cold for the past three days. And now I have no idea what's going on. It's messing with my head terribly, and I don't know if I should confront him and find out if he still is interested or if he was just coming on strong to boost his ego. Should I come out and say hey, do you still want to do this? I'm concerned that if I do, he will feel backed into a corner and pull away even more. But, I can't keep running this over and over in my head, feeling like he simply lead me on.Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2013): Write this one off... Like wise owl said if someone's blowing hot and cold it's a very good idea to back off... Whatever they're reasons, they're messing you around...- maybe they're on an ego trip and like the mind games of the chase- maybe they're in a relationship- maybe they're unsure of what they want and are just considering using you - maybe they're mentally unstable, a compulsive liar, were seeing if you would agree for a bet...The list goes on! The point is he's not treating you with the attention and honesty you deserve, whatever's going on in his head.Happy with no strings attached sex? Ups and downs, blowing hot and cold? And you work together... Sounds like a mess I don't think you should get yourself into... It's not like you're even gunna be able to to escape if, or i should say when, it goes mash up.Sorry and good luck xxx take care of yourself! Xx
A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (24 August 2013):
 It must be some cross communication. The arrangement may not have been clear of your wants and desires causd Im sure he would give it to you. It must be something in the way a doubt beyond working together. If its what you want create it obtain your desires. Theres nothing wrong with a little bump and grind at all. Just take the iniative see when you can both link up and do friendly friend activites with added benefits call text action when you mix up the letters in most people names mines included you will find action.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (23 August 2013):
Maybe he's in a relationship and he's nervous to cross that line.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 August 2013):
 Nope, don't bring it up again. You two WORK together and I think he decided it would be a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 August 2013):
 If this is messing with your head NOW, I can tell you lady that you are not strong enough to bear a friends with benefits arrangement at all...AT ALL!!!
It's a very bad idea to get caught up with men just for sex, you will end up feeling used and there is no way that he will want a relationship with you when he can just use you for sex. It is also a bad idea to get involved with someone you work with because when things turn sour (and they will most likely), being in the same vicinity can be a total nightmare!!
He is already blowing hot and cold, which indicates he's a game player and you really need to take notice of how akward things will get if you go ahead with this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): I say if someone goes cold, it's good reason to back off.
If you're not looking for a relationship, what does it matter?
You made your proposal and he's thought about it.
You both work together. You could go back on your word and form feelings; and you may be coming on too strong. All this should be considered. You're playing a dangerous game.
Back off. Women are starting to lose their jobs and being sued for sexual harassment in reversed-role situations.
Don't mess around with people on the job.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2013): He has been coming on strong for the last month then when you respond he pulls away? What kind of passive aggressive manipulative stunt is this?
Maybe he was only flirting to boost his own ego.
I say just forget about him. And the next time he gets "hot" towards you again, remember how he was now and just play it cool with him.
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