A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy who lives 50 miles away and we only meet at week-ends due to work commitments. We have both had problems adapting as we have both lived alone for years. When we used to argue I would get up and leave and go home. I havent done this for over a year and just go into another room and let things settle and we get over it quickly and move on. We have both agreed we clash but when the times are good they are lovely and have agreed thats why we are together because we see potential in each other and get on most of the time.However over the last 3 months if we have a disagreement (never raised voices or anything worse) he says that we should break up. I usually talk him round and tell him not to throw things away and he apologises and agrees that he finds it hard to compromise but not to take it personally. However all this finishing with me every time we disagree has taken its toll. I am getting anxious and when we are apart feel insecure and worried that if we have any form of disagreement he will again dump me and I will not keep taking it from him and will finally take my things and leave. How can I make him realise that we need to communicate better and he should not to be so dramatic every time our views differ. I have tried talking to him about it and he agrees with me that he is over the top but says in the heat of the moment he just wants to be alone and said if I did leave he would never try to get me back because it would be my decision. I feel this is almost a form of passive aggression.Any ideas how to make things better between us? I have made my mind up the next time he says this I am off for good as its not good for my self esteem to live with this constant threat overhanging me.
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insecure, move on, self esteem Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ShiShisAdvice  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 Relationships are so hard when you are a bit older and used to being alone, yet crave companionship. You both have social anxiety issues. I would recommend when you visit. Only visit in public places. Not in private ones. You both are invading each others private space, and that's where the conflict comes in. You both simply let each other into your little worlds, but there is a great big world outside. Go see it.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 February 2011):
Hi there. Sometimes when we try to convince someone of our point of view, we try and force it upon them, even though we meet with some resistance.
The more they resist, the more we try to force the issue.
Eventually, it often leads to arguments - as you are both seeing.
There are going to be times, where you won't always agree, and that's ok. We are not all the same. Otherwise it would be incredibly boring. There would be nothing to talk about.
Even if you truly believe you are right, you just won't convince the other that you're right. So in these instances, it's simply better to just agree to disagree.
In saying this, you are not actually changing your mind, you are simply just going along with whatever they say, and accept that they are different to you. It doesn't really matter anyway.
It's more important to be happy than to be right.
Sometimes we forget that. Wouldn't you rather be happy?
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