A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey! Sorry for such a long post. But I really need some advice. The problem I’m having is to do with my ex girlfriend. We were together for around 4 months, and split up 6 months ago. It wasn’t my choice and was the last thing I wanted, as I had fell for this girl really bad. She claimed she didn’t have time for a serious relationship and needed to concentrate on her exams etc. Although this was out of the blue, I accepted her decision and left it at that. She said all of this via a text by the way, and refused to meet up and talk, which I felt was cold and heartless of her.Around 2 months past, and I hadn’t seen or heard from her, however due to her mom being taken ill in hospital, she claimed she had nobody to turn to and so got in touch. I wasn’t going to turn my back on her, so although it killed me seeing her and spending time with her knowing she wasn’t mine anymore, I tried to support her as best I could. After a few weeks, we decided to start seeing each other again only take things slow. Things were fine for a few months, but then again she messaged me out of the blue saying she felt we shouldn’t see each other again. This confused me so much, as the signals I was getting from her, were that things were fine. Again all communication was done via a text, as she refused to meet up and talk. She said she needed some space to think, which I gave her. But her decision was that we should leave things as just friends and I should move on with my life and find somebody else. Again, I was confused and hurt by this, but I’m not the type of person to chase excessively and beg to the point were I make a fool of myself. So although it killed me inside I accepted her decision and tried to move on. However, im having no success at doing this at all. I can’t get this girl out of my head; she is the first thing I think on a morning and the last thing I think of when I go to sleep. I don’t think there is a moment in the day goes by, that I don’t think of her. It has been like this for the 10 months I have known her now. Too make it worse, my ex girlfriend seems to be playing mind games, one minute she says to leave things and isn’t in contact. But the next she phones of texts me out of the blue and makes it obvious she wants to meet up or see each other again. But then after a little while goes cold and backs off. As she says at the moment she can’t afford to let herself have more feelings for me or want to spend more time together, since she has her exams coming up.The thing is though; I just start to feel like im getting over things and then im back to square one, I can’t handle it anymore. I was only with her 4 months, yet I still haven’t moved on 6 months later. I really like this girl, infact im in love with her and recently she got back in touch and wanted to see each other again. Yet she now seems to have backed off, doesn’t text as much and is always busy with her revision whenever I ask her to do something. Which I understand, yet she manages to find time to see her friends two or three nights a week, surely if she was interested she would sacrifice a night with her friends and want to see me? At the moment I seem to be the one doing all the running again, maintaining contact and asking her to do things. Im starting to feel like a bit of a fool really. But then I worry that if I don’t maintain contact or ask her out, she will feel im not interested and move on. I’m so confused. Does anybody have any advice on what I should do? Thanks for reading! KJ
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, andy c +, writes (18 October 2007):
Hey bud dont worrie to much!
This is clearly your first love,and i totaly know how you feel!
Been there had the t-shirt many times!i have
just been dumped by my girl after 7 years!
We have a mortage togther.
Thank the lord above i saved for years and are financialy stable and i am now getting used to being on my own!
Its actually quite nice to have your own free time and space to enjoy things on your own, and not have anyone nagging!
I never thought i could say the above but its true!
Ok,i do miss her and love her but if its not to be then be so.
My ex girl now seems to want me back but im thinking maybe no! i feel good on my own!
Its hard but my story is different.
In a few months you will meet someone else and soon after,you will forget all about her!
Be strong!
Be a man!
Take it on the chin!
Change your number and delete hers!
Trust me you will get this again and again all through your life in different ways, untill you meet the one!
And you will find the right girl one day!
Keep smilling mate, and have some fun!
Do what you want, when you want, and any time!
Sorry about your trouble but be as man and all the best!
Andy c
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2007): Hey bud dont worrie to much!
This is clearly your first love,and i totaly know how you feel!
Been there had the t-shirt many times!i have
just been dumped by my girl after 7 years!
We have a mortage togther.
Thank the lord above i saved for years and are financialy stable and i am now getting used to being on my own!
Its actually quite nice to have your own free time and space to enjoy things on your own, and not have anyone nagging!
I never thought i could say the above but its true!
Ok,i do miss her and love her but if its not to be then be so.
My ex girl now seems to want me back but im thinking maybe no! i feel good on my own!
Its hard but my story is different.
In a few months you will meet someone else and soon after,you will forget all about her!
Be strong!
Be a man!
Take it on the chin!
Change your number and delete hers!
Trust me you will get this again and again all through your life in different ways, untill you meet the one!
And you will find the right girl one day!
Keep smilling mate, and have some fun!
Do what you want, when you want, and any time!
Sorry about your trouble but be as man and all the best!
Andy c
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007): Just realize she has been using you as a toy. After that hit yourself hard for being such a fool. Then fuck her. Then leave her, don't let her leave you, leave her. Then fuck her again and leave her. After that you will realize how she was using you and how empowered one can feel by manipulating other people and hence why she was doing it (she is not bad, it is just human nature).
PS. Danielepew is a fag.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 I know it hurts like hell. And, I know that we all think we should give it just one more try and perhaps things will work.
With my heart, I see why things are very hard for you. You slept with her only a few days ago. Now that is the sort of thing that keeps you chasing a lady.
With my mind, I think you should move on. Not a nibble on pride: let her make up her mind alone. If she does love you, she will come your way.
However, only you know what's best for you. If you want to take your chances on her, well, do. However, I think you shouldn't.
Best,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey all!Thanx to everyone for there advice. I agree with Danielpew i really need to cut contact with me ex and move on. Its been 6 months, and shes still keeping me dangling and unsure were i stand. I feel that sounds pathetic of me really, im like a toy she can pick up whenever she feels like it, sort of a backup plan incase nothing better comes along. When i really dont deserve that. However its easier said than done. I know i posted this thread on wed, but i havent spoke to my ex since the last time we met up on saturday. That nite we spent a little time with eachother and ended up sleeping together etc. However, since that night she hasn’t been in contact with me, i text her a couple of times sunday, but her replies were cold and as if she didn’t want to carry on the conversation. I was hoping to hear from her over the last few days, but haven’t and am reluctant to get in touch with her, since i have been doing all the running and maintaining contact for the last 3 weeks, and felt it was all one way. However, do you think i should bite a little pride and make contact again one last time to try and find out were i stand? Or should i just leave it at that? My mind says walk away and leave it, but my heart says what if shes waiting for me to contact her and thinks im not interested? Im so confused, and feel im making a fool out of myself. However, I love this girl so much.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (12 July 2007):
Guys, I know this hurts. But, THIS IS THE WAY TO GO. All the other options are futile and hurt a lot. Believe me, I've been there and made all the mistakes; I put myself on your shoes with my advice.
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A
male
reader, JustaGuy +, writes (11 July 2007):
Hey,
I'm in a similar situation right now, my ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago out of the blue, and only the day before we were on the phone and everything seemed ok.
We have not spoken since. I know how you feel, I think about her all the time, first and last thing of the day, I can even still smell her perfume on my pillow. Everytime i get a text or call i pray it might be her.
It hurts like nothing else.
The advice i've been given is to let her get in contact, if she wants you she will make the effort. I know how hard this is, even as I type this i feel tempted to try and ring her. Everyone says move on, but i'm finding this impossible too. I gave my heart to this girl and i want her back so badly, i have no interest in other girls. I too think to ring her just to say i hav'nt forgotten her and tell her i want her back. Guess we just gotta hang in there. The worse thing is i keep imagining her just happily gettin on with life without even giving me a thought....
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (11 July 2007):
KJ, I've been there. If you didn't live in Britain and I didn't live in Latin America, I would think it's the same girl. My advice, from the bottom of my heart, and from the best of my mind, is that you need to move on.
I know how hard this is; I insist, I've been there. But the thing is, she isn't sure what she wants and, frankly, maybe she will never be. In the meantime, you live in hell. Would you do this to her? There you have it: you don't deserve it, either.
I suggest you stop any contact with her. It will hurt like hell, but it will be a situation ouf of which you'll know exactly what to expect. This is what you need; you'd be over her by now if you could be sure she doesn't love you; and you'd be in heaven, if you were with her; but you are nowhere. With time you'll find that you can finally breathe fresh air again.
When this happens, we tend to think that people are playing games on us. Sometimes this is indeed the case. Sometimes, it isn't; you need to remember that she's a human being too, and, if you've ever been confused, you'll understand she can be, too. If you continue to agonize over this, eventually you'll come to hate her. Because, no matter what her motives are, this hurts, and you're not really sure why she is doing it. So, again, I suggest you stop any contacts with her, at least for some time. Eventually you may talk again and time will sweeten things between you two.
While you come out of hell, don't date anyone. You'll hurt any girl coming your way. And, when you do date again, forget about this one girl you are agonizing over now.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi babe, i honestly dont think there is much luck and hope for the both of you.. maybe you should sit down and talk about the future? I hope i helped & good luck. Mail me if you would like to talk x x
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