A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend broke up with me after going out for 9 months. I thought we had a great relationship going, but there was always tension when it came to sex. He never seemed to be interested in it at all. we were 7 months into the relationship before we had sex. There were so many excuses, first he wanted to take it slow, then he said we had something special and didnt want to ruin it, pressure from his family, told me he was worried about having a baby. I knew something was wrong because I was involved in his life in every other way, his entire family liked me, we spent all holidays and special occasions together, went on vacations together and introduced me to all of the people in the various hobbies/clubs he is involved in. Finally, after about 7 months into it he told me that he couldnt get it up all the time. I figured that was the reason he had been trying to put it off for so long, I told him that it didnt matter and suggested that there were many other things we could do that would be just as good. He didnt seem interested, I didnt understand why he didnt want to try. There were several times I could see that he was aroused and even then he did not make any moves towards having sex. After seeing this and knowing that he had no interest, I brought it to his attention, and shortly after we had sex. I thought this would be the begining of a normal sexlife, but it wasnt. All the excuses, I couldnt belive it, he was tired, didnt feel good, backache, headache, stress, took sleeping pills, had to get up early in the morning... it goes on and on. bottom line is that during the entire relationship we had sex 5 times and eachtime it felt like he was forced, he seemed preoccupied and distant made little effort do much of anything other then what was necessary, when it was over he would watch tv and not want to cuddle or even be close. We would talk about at and he would tell me not to take it personal but I did, I dont know how you cant take it personally. when we were in public he was very affectionate around his friends and family but when we were alone he was hands off. He has had several relationships and none of them seemed to last more than a year.... Opinions?
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female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (7 June 2011):
 Look up unavailable assclown
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioncupidus- I never considered that he could be doing drugs or drinking, but I suppose that is possible too. Also, it's interesting that you mention him being a workaholic beause he defintely is that, I just forgot to mention it. Our relationship is without a doubt over so I'm just trying to make sense out of this situation which is just so confusing to me. I have learned alot and have found out just how wonderful my friends are, I'm so lucky to have their support and friendship, so all is not lost.
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A
female
reader, cupidus +, writes (5 June 2011):
Sounds like intimacy issues as well as over work and also a drug or drinking addiction. Been here, done that.
It rarely changes and actually gets worse over time.
Look up emotionally unavailable men as well as signs of drug addiction. Workaholics are like this most often.
Good luck if it's love, because other than becoming an enabling co-dependent you're going to need a whole lot love to even put a pinprick in this rift.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionfishdish- I assumed that he was straight but looking back at his actions I'm questioning that myself. A few of my friends think he's gay because of the situation I described but I dont know if they are saying that to try to make me feel better (not that it does) or what. So I thought I would get the opinions of those who dont know us and see what the general feeling is. I think it is odd that he was very willing to show PDA's but when we were alone he was totally satisfied with just holding my hand. This led me to such confusion about weather or not he even liked me. To the world everything looked great, but behind closed doors there was no sexual interest other than hand holding and kisses that he could give to his mother.
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (5 June 2011):
 Are you sure he's straight? it's very suspecious to me that he'd put a show of affection only in public...
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