A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and i were together for 2 years. just after our 2 year anniversary she dumped me. She had a list of things that i did wrong during our relationship.And she was right. i took a lot for granted. didnt respect her feelings. I never cheated or anything like that i just wasnt giving a 100 percent. as she did the whole time. so i really was confused it was about 6 weeks of no talking. then when i realized she was right about the issues i had. i told her. apologized and long story short. she talked to me again. she let me know that she loved me. and just wanted me to step up and give it my all. Well we went on a date to disneyland and spent the whole day together it was amazing. we had a great time. Very romantic. we had sex. and we talkedf or about a week as if nothing happend. She was telling me how she loved me. Wanted to marry me. and she wants to move out together again soon. And really start planning our future together just how we planned before the breakup. But now its been another week iv been sleeping over night at her house. Well she just recently told me her heads spinning. and shes confused. that this was all very scary and she went from being alone for 6 weeks to back into this maybe to fast. Well then last night she told me she just wanted me to be patient. and that she needs to make sure if she really wants to be in a relationship with me. So she doesnt break my heart down the line in a month or two if she realizes she wasnt ready for it. So then i said ok i understand and im like well what do you want to do today? then she offered me to come over last night and i did. and i stayed the night again. NO SEX THO. Just had drinks talked went for a walk and slept. I am really confused here. Does she want to be with me or not? What do i do? What should i do? Iv been heart broken for the 6 weeks we were not together. She really is the love of my life. and i know i made mistakes in the past and didnt really commit 100 percent. But now that i have realized them im taking this time to really fix them and move forward so that we can be together again. Am i doing the right thing? I know we can both be happy together. and really make it work but we both have to try. And she acts like she wants to. but then says she doesnt want it to go back to how it was. And i dont either. I want it to be better.So i guess my question is. What do you think of all of this? of her feelings? of mine? and what should i do here? im in dire need of help.
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 July 2010):
You remember all those 'issues' that you supposedly had that were on her list? Well I have a sneaky suspicion that you weren't nearly as bad as she thought and you though. I think, like a lot of head-in-the-cloud people, she had this image of the perfect man that she wanted. Now, clever people know there is no such thing. But your girlfriend didn't. Instead, she gave you this list. Like a nice guy, you addressed the issues. And surprise, she's still not happy. That means the problem is hers, and not yours. She wanted the perfect man, but she didn't know what that was so pushed and pulled you in every direction, made you change and do all this stuff for her, and still isn't happy because you're still not she wants.
The truth is, she will never know what she wants until she gets this 'perfect man' out of her head. Men don't just come made to order. We have souls too, and we have our own thoughts. She didn't accept you when you were you, she hasn't accepted you since you changed into someone else, and she never will accept you or any other man because SHE is the problem, not you. You've fixed those mistakes that you perhaps had. So now find a woman who will accept the better you, rather than this girl who is just wasting your time.
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