A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years now and few months into the relationship we began having arguments,they are just getting out of hand.we tend to argue on Petty things although my boyfriend does try and make up in the next 5 minutes but I cant!i can't just switch off and on like that..we got into a major fight over the phone last week which ended up bad and I lost my temper and in a moment of rage said things to him which I shouldn't have and called him names!we haven't spoken since its been over a week and no calls or texts!so I think we are no longer together..I left my stuff in his place and I asked his best friend to give it to me..I think ending this relationship is the best Cuz I am seeing a side to me that I never thought I had and why keep fighting all the time!am I wrong?what do you think I should do?give this up,I know he really loves me he has done so much for me and cares a lot about me but we just can't stop arguing:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI give you two incidents that happened quite recently! About a year ago one of my friends was flirting with me over texts but honestly it was just harmless flirting not with an intention to date me or sleep with me!my boyfriend did not like it I respected that and I told this person that we should not be texting as my partner is not comfortable and he is priority!and I completely cut off from that person but yet in a arguements my boyfriend brings this guy up and how I sacrfice my time to talk to me,I was so hurt and that's when I lost my cool and did the name calling(which I agree I shouldn't have)but I just felt like he did not appreciate what I did so that he is happy I cut the person from my life,does it not hold any value at all?Another incident we went shopping and he was like let's go window shopping and honestly I don't like window shopping since he wanted to I was like okay!then he said lets go see fragrances I thought he wanted to see and not buy so I said no I don't want to do that,he flipped and he raises his voice and said how I try to ruin everything!i have this OCD if I go to a store I tend to buy atleast one thing and I come out and there are times I don't!but my boyfriend is a sucha difficult shopper he takes his own time and at the end after analysing testing and taking his time and trying it out he walks out of the store empty handed,so I just said you wasted a lot of time with the store guy and u picked the piece up told you were going to buy it then u refused so he got mad when I pointed to that and said "it's not like you go to every store and buy sometimes you walk out empty handed" honestly yes that does happen but I don't waste so much time,if I don't want something I just don't,I don't like wasting my time and the other persons time!i may be wrong here and I told him that.but that's my personality that's ME I can't change that!one thing escalated to another and they keep happening on different things!there has been no day or a single restaurant where we wouldn't have argued minus name Calling that happened once!he called me yesterday but I did not answer!i don't know what to do
A
female
reader, MoniqueEE  +, writes (15 March 2015):
Communicate.
Sit with him and say exactlt what you have said here:
You are tired of the arguing
It is constant
You do not like who you are becoming
You will be surprised of what this can do, not just to help him see your side from a calmer perspective but also therapy for yourself.
If this of course ends in another row, theb please remove yourself from this. It isn't healthy and you do not need the stress, especially as it is uncessary. You care for each other but it seems you aren't quite meant for now.
Some time apart may be what you need to find out what you want to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2015): My first guess is that you're incompatible, and you're forcing yourself to stick it out. Petty arguments stem from poor communication and buried resentment. You go into a rage; because you won't come right out and tell him what your problem with him is. You have a frustration; because you feel helpless in some way.
If you ask me, your problem is anger-management. If you can't cool off within five minutes, or at least calm your rage, you have anger-issues. The evidence to this is your resorting to verbal-abuse to make your point. You went overboard. You were hurtful and cruel. Now you're sorry?!! He backs-off. Doing so, allows him not to let his own temper escalate to your level. He's also giving you cool-off time. He apologizes. All of the right things. You're over the top. That's a problem, my dear. All humans get angry. Everyone has a boiling-point. Everyone should have a safety-valve to gauge our over-heating!
I speculate he is assessing his feelings for you. You have now become verbally-abusive, and you get upset over petty things. You are aware they are petty, yet you go into a rage. Then make excuses for why you can't calm yourself down.
Anger is a weapon when you can't control it.
Go get a complete physical-examination from your medical doctor. Make sure you're not having hormonal-issues, side-effects from birth control pills; or just edgy due to your menstrual-period.
If you have something caught in your gizzard, cough it up! People bury things they find uncomfortable to talk about beneath their feelings; and take it out in anger. Edginess or a constant chip on your shoulder; is because you are taking out your frustrations on him. The fighting is on the surface, the real problem is buried underneath.
So tell us, what's really bugging you? Give us a list of things he says or does that bothers you; that you can't say out loud. What frosting your cookies, lady? Write it all down after you've read my response; and comeback. I want to know.
Meanwhile; find yourself a mental-health counselor and temper-management support-group; and learn how to handle your temper. I think he might comeback after he has licked his wounds. Leave him alone and stop messaging him. He'll respond when he has decided what he wants to do about your relationship. In any case, you should get some professional help!
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