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We can't stand each other but I'm addicted to him

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 January 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 2 April 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I have known this guy for a year and a half now, we've been going as a couple well we suppose to! Anyway during our relationship we broke up so many countless times, we have an arguement or something over very meaningless stuff and then we break up! When I first met this guy he seemed cool, he told me he had 2 major problems in his life, one he didnt have a job (but was looking for one) and that he wasn't confident as much as he used to be. Although he went to university and has a degree he seems a very lazt guy and doesn't want to get off his ass. He's well spoken and seems to be intellegent guy because he knows so much. Because of his circumstances of not having a job, I became the main contacter of the relationship calling him texting him because he never had credit. Although it's gonna be almost 2 years Ive been with him I ask myself the question 'What do I even like about him?'. I really and truly love him and am mad about him, but am certain he doesn't feel the same way. Me and him we have nothing in common I find him very hard to speak to and we can hardly last a conversation for more then 5 minutes. He never tells me how he feels about me and when I confronted him he said it's because he finds it hard and prefers to show me. In all the time I have been with him we have never been on a date an offical date movies, dinner etc because he doesn't have money. When he hugs me and we make love I feel so loved and wanted by him, but as soon as he lets me go I feel pretty like shit. I don't understand him and either does he, been with him makes me feel cheap, ugly and worthless and yet am stil with him. I broke up with him sooo many times yet he keeps coming back into my life, since theres not a single thing I like about him I told myself it's because of my feelings for him that me make do this, stay with him. The thing that makes me upset the most is that he never calls me only on occasions that he borrows his friends phone. Am callin him all day time! One day i was with him and I checked his phone he didnt have any messages or numbers of girls but he had CREDIT on his phone that he toped up teh night before. When I saw that it really upset me I started thinking how often does he top up how long as he been and the fact that am not even worth 10p of text it broke my heart. When I confronted him he said I shouldn't have got angry and that his friend topped up for him! I didnt know whether to belive this. Even now we still togther and it makes me wonder why he wouldnt even call me or text me at all! We broke up a few months ago and then he texted me after we broke up non stop sending me all these nasty text messages to me. That really hurt because all that time I was with him all I never wanted was a simple text or a phone call I never asked for anything more. But yet he texted me after we broke up! We back togther again and he told me that he run out of credit and that he will top up, that was 2 months ago! He says he wants to be in this realationship, and yet we can't stand each other and I am soo unhappy, but am addicted to him. Helppppppp what do you think!

View related questions: broke up, cheap, money, text, university

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A female reader, celticghirl United Kingdom +, writes (2 April 2010):

it is possible you are addicted to his obvious aloofness,people that are lazy and dont make any effort can make you want to know more but the thing is usually when you find this (more)u will wish you didnt!! i would not have any contact for as long as you need to decide what you really want,you will probably find that if you give yourself long enough then you will realise that you really dont want him around.

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A female reader, Olauraz Canada +, writes (27 October 2009):

I agree with Sheri, but I don't think he's to blame for everything. You are constantly breaking up with him (well this was a while ago, but if you are still with him) and you say he makes his way back into your life. It's only because you let him. You wouldn't find yourself back in a relationship with him if you woke up a little. You left him for a reason, why should you take him back if he's such a pain in the ass?

You can't blame him for everything because you are to blame too. He wouldn't be doing those things to you if you didn't let him. Stand up for yourself. You should make it clear that if things don't change, it's overm something you should have done a long time ago according to your story.

You should take a long hard look at yourself and figure out you keep going back to him and why you don't go for someone who will make you feel better about yourself.

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A female reader, sheribaby38 United States +, writes (15 January 2009):

sheribaby38 agony aunti think hes a loser and you deserve better sorry but you asked!! lol

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