A
female
age
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anonymous
writes:HI ,some advice please but no moral judgments thanks.I have been in a relationship with a married man for what seems like forever about 8yrs and before that about 3yrs same man we had a period where we had no contact because i had moved away.While i know he doesn't love me we can't seem to let go of each other,I have tried many times,he has to but we always seem to get back to each other.We where talking today about stuff and he said to me,lovers have a permanant relationship,we can't have that so we must remain just friends but good friends,is that alright,but what i don't understand why he would come out and say such stuff like he has,about how we can't have a permanant relationship when i already know that.We have such good times together and he never has once rubbished his wife to me and yes i do know her.I know we can't have any more than what we have now,but i know we can't give this up we are both in our early 60's
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female
reader, rebeccahayes12  +, writes (8 May 2010):
I understand fully where u are coming from as i to am in a similar situation.My realtionship has only gone on for five months although we have been friends for many years. I have the added fact that his wife is my best friend who is very insecure and craves his attention constantly. I can be out with her and she will text him or ring him time after time. When we are all out together if becomes very difficult as if she goes out of the room he will kiss me or just touch my hand...i do love him dearly and know its wrong but cant help myself...we have tried like yourselves to stay apart but just cant.We talk everyday but i am finding it so hard to be out with them and see his hand in hers orr his arm around her...i am getting so hurt and dont know what to doGood luck with your situation.No one should judge you as th ey havent walked in your shoes
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010): Then don't let go. what are you going to gain by letting him go, only will lose happy moments that you have together.How many of us can say that someone makes us feel so alive and happy?
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (29 April 2010):
 My parents are on the cusp of 80, and are in pretty good shape, all things considered. There have been some rough patches, for sure, but all in all, they look good, they have their minds and their interests and they are getting on with things. You have two decades to go before you hit that age.
The other thing you need to know about me is that I have never fooled around with a married man, nor have I ever cheated in my marriage. That is just not constitutionally possible for me, it's not how I'm built. I couldn't live with myself. Have I found other men attractive? Sure. Have I fantasized? You bet. Have I flirted a bit. Yep. Would I ever take it any further than that? Not for all the jewelry in the Tower of London.
I guess the thing that struck me was that I felt a bit sorry for you. Eight years ago, you started this thing with the married man, so you were close to my age, which is near 50. Uncomfortably near 50, but that's for another time.
Eight years ago, had you managed to shake off these feelings that seemed to compel you to be with a man who technically wasn't available, you would have been sad and unhappy for a while, but you would have been free. Free to meet and date and build a real relationship that can go out in the light of day, eat at restaurants, hold hands in public, kiss passionately in front of everyone who knows you. Holidays could be spent in each other's company, a life and house and history would be built. The sun could shine on you two together and you could welcome friends and family into your home and your hearts together.
It's kind of sad to think of you spending those eight years in the adjunct role, the back up, alone on holidays, not being able to show the bond between you. Maybe you were waiting for him to love you, and he never did. Very very sad. Extremely sad, actually.
So at the end of your life, when those 20 years have passed, and he has died and you can't grieve him publicly, and you are alone in your bed, how will you feel? Will you be happy and satisfied that you had the best life you could make for yourself? Will you know for certain that you were the lover of a decent and honorable man? Will you feel good about things?
I can't answer that for you. You have work it out for yourself. But it seems to me to be a sad and lonely life you've set yourself to live. I wouldn't want to do it. I can't say what's going to happen in the future, but that's not what I'm aiming at.
Good luck to you.
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female
reader, princessofGod43 +, writes (29 April 2010):
 Sweetheart, i love you as an ex wife because you have a conscious it seems because you are asking for help ...in a marriage me get tired of their wives and seek non committed relations outside sometimes and it sounds as though he maybe getting a conscious by telling you ...you guys won't have a permanent relationship...and trying to break it off...if you love yourself more...you should take your own power back and break a clean break from him...this is not good for you or your body, or mind..and certainly if God is the source of good things it is not pleasing to Him...who gives to us so liberally what we need...and you need someone to love you and only you!! God Bless
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I say, at your age (and I don't mean that in an unflattering way at all, just factual) enjoy and hold on to every bit of happiness that comes your way. As long as u can deal with the fact he's staying married. Both of u are having some happiness and I guarantee that his relationship with his family is beter because he's happier.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): I agree with post below.
stop all communication with him. At the age that you are.. i am sure you have enough in your family - husband, kids, grand kids, Daughter in laws and all that.
why to disappoint all and foremost your own conscience which will kill you any way. ( the fact that you asked question here is result of your conscience trying to bring you to right path )
you are now closure to GOD and do the right things. you are not a 12 year old girl who does not know what she is doing..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2010): All I can tell you is put yourself in his wife's shoes. How would you feel if you were her. You need to stop all communication with him not only for the wife but for yourself. I know I am worried my husband is cheating on me, even though I know he loves me, and just the thoughts is enough to break my heart. Do you wan to break hers?
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