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anonymous
writes: This is a toughie.I've been with my guy for 7 1/2 years. We were engaged about 4 years ago...broke it off and got back together. We have lived together for a year now, back at each other's parents, but now looking at houses together.I've always wanted children and until this past week he never spoke of it. Now he says he does, but I want to have a house and get married before all that, so he gets upset..mad upset...WHAT IS GOING ON??? I told him that I would feel like he is only marrying me because we have a child (that's the way he wants things...child first) but he only says to me, "why do you have to be in the same routine as everyone else?" How many single mothers are there? And actually how many do get married only because of a chil?If someone could please help, I'll take any comment or advice. Am I wrong and reading him wrong? Should I just keep putting my foot down and saying no?
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reader, QueenKatofTypos +, writes (29 June 2005):
Don't have a baby just to find out if he really wants to marry you. That's selfish and it's just not fair to that child. Consider making SURE you are financially as well as emotionally ready for a baby before you decide to try for one.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (29 June 2005):
My boyfriends the same! he wants a family but doesnt want to get married......ever (so he claims) however, i would NEVER have a baby intentionally if I wasnt married, so we are in a catch 22. Id agree with you in wanting the house first as it is a small commitment next to having a child, if hes not ready to commit, hes not ready to be a father in my opinion. Tell him again how you feel and if he holds the same views afterward, tell him that you are not starting a family.
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reader, helpfull girl +, writes (28 June 2005):
There are plenty of woman who have children first and get married many years after! From where I come from, everybody's having babies these days and never get married or get married after! To be married you have to 100% sure you will always love and trust the person you're going to marry! Why not ask him a few quesions like do you not want to marry me! Don't you love me enough to marry me! When he gives you his answer it might make you feel better! With me I never want to marry and want children! Go for child first then you'll find out how supportive he is with the child,and that will tell you whether you really want to marry this person!
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