A
male
age
36-40,
*ase@999
writes:My girlfriend of two years broke up with me just over 3 weeks ago, because we were sort of getting bored of each other, and lost the spark. However, last Sunday, I went to her house, and I asked her if we could be like we were. She said yes and we kissed - we were both happy. The next day though, she thought it was a bad idea and sort of broke up with me again.I believe this is because she thinks she only thought she wanted to be with me to make me happy (for the last month that we were together, this is the only reason she stayed with me, apart from our memories and history) but she's so confused - I think there's more. I sensed her feeling for me the way she used to.On Sunday night, everything felt so right at the time, she even admits that. But now, I think she thinks she only felt that way for the same reasons - our history (she said it's easy to "slip back into the routine") and because she cares about me. But I could tell there was more which see can't see because of her reasons, and she thinks if we tried again, we'd be back where we were, trying to get the spark back and as we didn't the first time, I guess she thinks it won't work this time.She's now starting to see someone else - should I try to convince her that, even though we broke up once it doesn't mean that we can't work again (She thinks we're in the same position we were before), or should I leave her to give her time to be less confused?
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male
reader, jase@999 +, writes (20 December 2007):
jase@999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is I know that she wants to be with me - she told me. She wants to get back what we had but thinks it's too hard because we were trying to do that before we broke up and it didn't work. But she's confused - she thinks she only wants it because she cares about me and I know this was the case in the past, which is why I thought the initial break-up was the right thing to do. But this time, it was different and I could tell that she had more feelings for me than before and she admitted it on the night.As for seeing other people, she just likes the attention and is doing it so that she doesn't miss me as much.This is why I intend to explain that I understand her - she admitted that she doesn't even understand herself. I'm sure she'll see then.
A
male
reader, jase@999 +, writes (20 December 2007):
jase@999 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is I know she's not happy, and she told me that she wants to be with me - she just thinks it's too hard atm, because she is mistaking her true feelings but I can tell she likes me. As for seeing other people, she just likes the attention and is doing it so that she doesn't miss me as much.That's why I intend to explain to her that I understand her - she said that she's confused and doesn't understand herself. She said that we want the same but she thinks for different reasons just like before, when she stayed with me because she didn't want to hurt me. But this time it feels different and I know she wants it for her to be happy in herself, even if she doesn't see that yet.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick  +, writes (20 December 2007):
 I think she's moved on from you or at least is trying hard to move on. You say she is dating another guy, and you shouldn't interfere in that. Its time to let her go. It’s tough, I know. She's made her decision, whether right or wrong. You can shout to the skies a thousand times you can fix this, but if she's not willing to repair what's been broken there is little you can do.You should stay on speaking terms with her, let her know you're always around if she needs you. You are young, get on with your life. Concentrate on school and improving yourself. Another girl will come along who will fit your world better. Have faith and courage. The hurt you feel now will pass in time. Relationships like this help you grow in life. Cherish her memories, but also learn from them so you can apply it in future relationships.This is all easier said than done, but I know from experience. I felt much the same way you are feeling…thinking that her reasons for breaking up are invalid and that you can easily change the circumstances and change her mind. But even if you're right, you still have to give her the freedom to be wrong. Someday she might see how wrong she was and, who knows, you might get together again. But until that time, let her be wrong, let her learn on her own, if there's any learning she can do. So my best advice is to let this pass and go forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007): Well
I would just leave your her and give her time to think.
Remember there are many more girls out there for you.
You will find the "one" sooner or later like i did.
I wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, xcore_123 +, writes (20 December 2007):
I was in this same situation! i broke up with a guy because i thought he was boring, and now i miss him constantly, even though he had a girlfriend.
so what did i do?
i tried so hard to convince him to get back with me, but this only mad me look pathetic.
Whatever you do don't go begging for more chances. You will come off as extreamly clingy and almost annoying, I'm sorry i know it sucks, trust me!
Obviously she is trying to move on from you by seeing another man. she likes him, right? so let her be happy. you need to support her and let her be happy .
give her a little space in the beginning. then when you feel your ready start to BEFRIEND her again.
hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, hmmm711 +, writes (20 December 2007):
If she is already seeing someone new after just 3weeks... Don't waste your time, her mind is made up!
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