A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 7 years broke up about 4 months ago. we survived losing our son and also we had both cheated on the other during our relationship but we got past it. he was moving away but we got together and decided that since he was moving to another country for religious reasons we should end it, but i wanted us to stay together until he left but he said it woul be easier if we ended it now, so i went along what he wanted..Well i saw him with another woman at a party i felt like i could have died right then(he didn't see me) he called me one night to see how i was going we talked for a while i even told him that i saw him and he looked happy he told me looks could be deceiving (what do you think he meant?) anyway since then i keep seeing them together doing things he never used to do with me and it feels like a knife in my heart. how am i supposed to get over this!!! i can't take the pain! Help me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Oh my God!! This is the best site I have come accross on the internet. I didn't think there was anything like this. I am going through the same situation kind of. I will try to post a question. I find the two answers from the two gentlemen excellent!! I feel I have made up my mind from their advice it is excellent!
A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (12 November 2007):
 Hi - the pain is hard to take isn't it. And sorry you lost your son. Unfortunately losing a child often leads to all sorts of relationship problems even though you have something that binds you.
You have correctly identified that you need to get over it - and you have also established that you find the pain unbearable when you see him.
The simple answer to this second problem is to try not to see him. It only prolongs the pain for you. Don't phone. Don't text. Don't email. Don't see. This might mean avoiding some places or parties - but this is better than the pain you cannot take. Plan to go or do something else - which brings us to the first problem - which is how you get over this. You will help yourself by getting involved with new things yourself, new activities, new sports, new social groups, new learning. To begin with you will have to push yourself - it might be hard, you might not like it much - but you have to do it. Imagine you had arrived in a new country - how would you go about making new friends and creating a new life for yourself. Close your eyes and visualise your first week in a new place - on your own - where you can start everything afresh. Thats what you have to do now. Start your life afresh. But you have a big advantage - you already have some people you know. You already know some places to go. In time you will be ready for a new relationship - and when that happens you will be much stronger - but in the meantime you will have widened your knowledge, skills and experience to make you a more interesting person. Hope this helps. I am sorry about your son. Take care - Richard
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A
male
reader, pavel38 +, writes (12 November 2007):
Sounds like you've been through some difficult times. Which only illustrates that you can get through this, it's a bad feeling but there's nothing you can do to change it other than try to avoid seeing them as much as possible, out of sight out of mind as it were. Don't torture yourself though when you do see him by thinking they are wonderfully happy together - even the most unhappy couples can look like they are two happiest people in the world at times.
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