A
male
age
36-40,
*odo85
writes:She broke up with me more than 2 weeks ago. We were with each other for 2 years, physically 1 year and 10 months. She didn't give me any real reason, but I think the main reason is long distance.Actually she's just 6 hours away from me by plane. She's 21 and I'm 26 years old. I know that I should move on and maybe there will be a better girl but I just want to know whether I should send her this last e-mail or not? Please help me to check it and tell me your opinion. We broke up one time already but got back together after 1 day no contact. I've been in no contact for about 6-7 days now but last week and yesterday she sent me online messages,saying: "are you there? How are u? I had a good day today, I bought a pair of earring, any new?"She has cheated me one time, about 3 months ago. And right now she's mentioning about another guy all the time but I don't know it's true or not because if so then she should change her Facebook status to single, right? Also she has all the pictures of us. So the e-mail I wanna send her:Dear X,I don't know where i should start with this e-mail, but it's been so hard for me not to hear from you. I've been trying to get you out of my mind, but i can't. I don't even know if i should call you or not, because as i don't want to disturb you, since your exams are coming up very soon.But i wanted to cheer you up, encourage you. i wanted you to know that i haven't gone anywhere, i'm still here. i didn't want to make you think of anything, just focusing on your things. I know maybe you don't want to hear from me anymore because i said all those things.But before you say anything i hope that you'll give me that chance to tell you the feelings i have and i think i don't need to say a lot. I'll just make it short because you could understand everything i guess.... I want you to know that i admit the things i've done to you, i wish i could turn back the time, to make everything go back to the way you like, to the right way. Hoping you can forgive and forget and looking into the future. I really wish that i could be the person who can make you happy, who can give everything, who can take care of you, who can spend the rest of his life with his Sweet Baby. I remember when you sent me a mail about appartment with pictures and i promise i'll build it up with my own hand because i want you to live your happy life. This is the least i can do for you after all i did that made you disappointed in me. My love for you will be the same always, will never fade away. I just wanted to tell you i'm thinking of you every moment, it's been a while that i didn't do anything to you, so i think i don't need to mess you up, when maybe your life is good now, but i want you to know this poem and hopefully i could make you smile and your smile is always sweet:If you could see inside my soulsee inside my heartyou would know how I long for youwhenever we're apartIf you could see inside my headif thoughts were things to seeyou would know how I cherish youhow much you mean to meIn all the ways you comfort methe way you hold me nearthe way you know just what to doto chase away my fearThe sparkle in your beautiful eyesyour smile, laugh, your touchare just a few of many reasonsI love you oh so muchKnowing I can talk to youabout any and everythingand knowing together we will getthrough whatever life may bringI could search the whole world overand this I know is trueI would never find another lovelike the love I found with youThough with each new day, each sunrisewe can't know what's in storethere is one thing I know for sureeach day I love you moreSo if you could see inside my headif thoughts were things to seeyou would know I blessed I feelto have you here with meWith Love,J
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broke up, facebook, got back together, I love you, long distance, move on, my ex, spark Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf she meant everything like she sent that mail to my friend then why her facebook relationship is in with me? And why she has all the pictures of us? And what she said in the e-mail if i can't regard her as a friend then won't be anything between us, meaning no contact, no nothing then why is she contacting me sometimes via messenger? And the first time when she broke up with me she said almost the same thing like the mail she sent to my friend.... If there's another guy showed up like she said then she should change her relationship into single or change to another name, right? There's another social website she has all the pictures of us as well. About the culture it's not a real big problem because our culture very similar....
A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (1 June 2011):
 It sounds to me like there may be some cultural or lifestyle difference between the two of you that is insurmountable. That may be contributing to why she was contacting you, as well. She doesn't understand the mixed-messages she is sending you by initiating contact with you.
In her message she even talks about how she sent you a birthday card, and that perhaps she shouldn't have.
She mentions that she looks at you as a brother or as a friend. That's never good news if you're looking for a romantic relationship.
I am sorry, my friend. That email seems to imply that she is no longer interested in a romantic relationship with you, she just wants to be friends.
The question is can you handle just being friends with her, or will talking to her just always bring back memories of your time together and prevent you from being able to move on?
Either way, I think for your own personal well-being you should stop talking to her for the short term. It seems like you need some time to get over this girl and heal from the heart break.
It is never easy to do. I wish you all the best.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (1 June 2011):
Dude, what do you mean did she really mean it? Everything she is feeling is in that letter. You need to accept it.
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd i'm giving her space as much as possible but she's contacting me.... What can i do? I know maybe tell her just contact me if it's about reconciliation only but i'm afraid that if i'll tell her now than i'll just push her away, i mean she'll really disappear from my life... This is the e-mail she sent to one of my friend on 21st of this month:Hi Moha,Thanks for caring John and me. He talked to me many times and i can feel that he loves me deeply. But u r wise enough to understand how i feel about the mistakes he's done to me. He promised to be a better man, to come back to me, but i don't know if i should wait. Because his lifestyle is not really the type i'm looking for. And some of his habits r really bad. I don't think a man's spirit can really change. Besides, in a relationship, i don't need anyone to change for me, if i love, i love the way he is. Unluckily, something in him i will never like, and i even cannot bear it in my life. I know his heart is good, he's pure and maybe he didn't make any mistake, he's living by his lifestyle which i just don't like. I can see his bright side really, but the dark side is killing me. Plus the problem i cannot leave my family and live in another country.i have no confidence to keep in a long-distance relationship. I confess, maybe i don't love him as much as he loves me. Or maybe he's just not the one for me. The truth is, i feel sorry for hurting him. But there's another boy showed up in my life. He has all the spirit im looking for and he loves me really much and will wait for me. But i refused. I'm not leaving John bcz of a new boy, i choose to be single for some years. I told John i want him to have a better girl, who fits him better than i do. I told him he's working hard for himself only, not for me. I told him maybe i need a boy to be beside me and comfort me. I told him everything to make him understand that i just want friendship with him. If he cant regard me as friend, fine, then nothing. My problem is i can never say words like: I dont love u anymore, so let's break up. I know i still have love, but it's the family love. I always want him to be good and get his own happiness, which i told him too. I regard him as brother or close friend rather than a boyfriend now. Even without that new boy, my attitude will be the same. Yes today is his birthday. I sent him a birthday card. But i regret. Maybe he'll misunderstand that i wanna be fine with him again... I feel confused about what i should do and how to deal with the relationship i'm facing now. All i wish is he'll be fine in Vietnam and get a new life, meet a new girl. I wish him happiness from my heart.Moha, if u have any chance, help me to convince him, let him give me up and start new. I feel really sorry for hurting him, but my love for him for the last 2 years was so true that everyone got eyes to see. Now it's my time to make a right decision. I wanna leave.Thanks again for ur caring. Wish ur father will be fine soon.Take care,Did she really mean it? Or she's giving false information to my friend?
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A
male
reader, Dodo85 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Dodo85 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe cheated me before like 3 months ago but right now i don't know she has another guy or not.... Maybe for pushing me away and she wants me to give up? And hurting me? She contacted me last week tuesday and wednesday and yesterday. We talked through messenger last week sunday, monday with webcam on too... If she has another guy then why is she contacting me? If she thinks that guy is better than me, at least that's what she said then why doesn't she just care about him? That guy can't take care of her or what? What does she want?
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A
male
reader, Drew21 +, writes (1 June 2011):
If she cheated on you so recently, it implies she was not happy in the relationship.
You need to just cut contact with her, give her some space to sort things out. The worst thing you can do right now is smother her in anyway and show any indication that your desperate. That will just push her away even more and eliminate ANY chance of reconciliation.
Give her distance, give her time with her exams. Ask her not to message you unless it's with any reconsideration of your relationship.
If she tries to message you again, tell her that YOU need some space right now to work through some things.
I know it's hard. At this stage, it's good to have a solid network of friends. Try to go hang out with them. Have some fun. Get your mind off this girl.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (1 June 2011):
Do not give a poem to any girl that breaks up with you, let alone cheats on you. It is a sad cry of desperation and she will end up feeling sorry for you. You don't need her pity.
I know it's painful but shut her out of your life and move on.
Save your poem for a girl that deserves it.. for a time when you are in a happy relationship and it will truly mean something to her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): No i dont think you should send it because this girl has only sent you a short email asking how you are, she isnt asking for a ling winded heartfelt reply. You say in the mail youll 'keep it short' yet it goes on forever. Send it if you can handle the possibilty of rejection (the big possibility) but you also mention you dont want to give her anything to intervene with her exams and mess with her mind at this time- that is exactly what this email is doing! She broke up with you, if you want to let her know your feelings then keep it simple by email and ask if she would like you to call as you have things you need to say. If she says no then im afraid you have to cut contact and move on.
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