A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:5 weeks ago I found out my husband was having an affair with my friend who was also my bridesmaid at our wedding!! We have a 9 month old little boy. He is in a relationship with her and as been since we split. I am absolutely devastated, he as changed so much into a nastier person, he doesn't even have time for his son anymore...I have not stopped him seeing him, not once, I wouldn't and he knows this. We were together 7 years. We were so happy, weren't arguing or anything and this is why I can't get my head around what he as done, he as thrown everything away for that skank and our son as got so clingy since he left. I am really struggling, I am at rock bottom and do not see light at the end of the tunnel. I keep telling myself he doesn't want me so move on but I just can't, I am trying, I really am more for my baby, i am so tired and so stressed out at the moment. Why would he hurt me this badly, the pain is so unbearable. I am trying to keep myself busy to take my mind of it but it just isn't working, everyone keeps telling me the same thing, that I am strong and I will come out of this a stronger person etc and I am sure I probably will but right now I need to learn how to cope with this!! What did I ever do to deserve this, I love him so much, he was my best friend aswel as my lover, we were so good together and it's now like the last 7 years meant nothing to him, all that comes out of his mouth is lies, it's like he wants to believe what he is saying himself and he probably is beginning to believe it even though it's a lie. His entire family have disowned him, they have told him that well he is with her they don't want to know him, he as chosen her, he as noone now, surely he can't be happy?? I know how much his family meant to him and I believe she is poisonous because in all the time I was with my husband, the amount of times he argued with his mum, I always made him go sort things out with her no matter who's fault it was or what she had done because I believe your mum is your mum and you won't get another and now thats it for them because of her. I treated him so well and this is how he as treated me!! I'm so gutted :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): I'm really sorry you have been treated so badly. He is being nasty to you because of the guilt. It's his way of dealing with it.I know it's hard but try to relax, especially when your son is around. Let him sleep with you as this will comfort you both.5 weeks isn't very long and you're still in shock. Allow youself to feel your feelings, cry if you need to, be angry if you need to, feel jealous if you need to. Get it all out in the open, talk to friends and family as often as you need to. Time does heal and you will get over this. You deserve so much better for you and your son. As much as you feel insecure and want your husband back try not to go down this route. If he can have an affair so soon after your son is born when you need love and support he's not really that nice a husband or father, is he?There are plenty of nice men out there and in time you will find someone who deserves you, but for now concentrate on you and your son.Good luck with everything.
A
female
reader, Smileypants  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 Your post made me cry...reminded me of when my ex husband left me abruptly when our son was three, but it was for a barmaid I didn't know. I can't imagine it being someone who (was) my friend. All I can say, is try your hardest to focus on your son. He's being horrible to you right now because he knows he's done something horrible, and it's hard for him to swallow, when he talks to you. He will want to see his son...I think he's wisely keeping his distance right now. Try not to have big emotional scenes around your son...I will always regret how my ex and I had big angry crying screaming matches in front of our boy. I know it seems like the hurt will never go away, but time really does heal. My ex left me in '99 and 12 years later our son is 15, and he and I are friends. His love life is still turmoil soap opera shit, and I'm so happy with my relationship. Things will really get better. Keep your chin up....and let your baby sleep with you when he wants to. It will be comforting for both of you.
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A
male
reader, ironman777  +, writes (23 April 2011):
Hi - I've been that man same as your husband and your pain sounds horrible to hear - you just need to concentrate day after day and look after that son of yours very well. My parents kind of disowned me as well so nothing new there - but also most people and I mean most cause there will always be some pretty low life scum guys do not go out looking for an affair to happen - and even if she came on to him if you had been as happy as you claim he would not have dont it.I think that people who dont argue occasionally are not being real with each other - cause there are always things that bug you that normally you just repress to keep the peace but these build up - maybe there is seven years of built up emotion.You need to start thinking about if he came back to you would you take him back and what would you need to do together to change your relationship. My ex partner was really upset for ages and its been ten months and she still gets upset on occasion but I can also see she is moving on with her life and gained a whole heap of new friends out of this experience and thats good for her and in the end she will meet some new man that delights her and will be a willing father to my kids as well. Keep civil with this man and he will want his son soon - 5 weeks is a bit early and he knows he has done a morally wrong thing so he's probably just giving you space.Hope everything works out for you in the future - keep your chin up and just get enough sleep and exercise if you can as well
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 April 2011):
 I am so sorry that you have had to go through this. I guess we never truely know somebody as well as we think we do. You need to drop as much contact from him as you possibly can, if you are still in contact with his family well then ask them not to talk about him to you as it is still raw. Also its his choices therefore dont you be worrying about him not talking to his family as he has made his bed now he can lie on it.This is an awful lot for you to take in and even though time will make it better and make you stronger I really think that you should arrange to go and see a councellor. I think it would be the best thing for you as from your post I have gathered that you are still not willing to let go even if you think you are. Go and get an appointment with the councellor and talk to them. Remember your son is your life now and he is the only man that you need. Goodluck and all the best.
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