A
female
 ,
*talie
writes:HiI dont know if anyone can offer me any advice or not but here goes. I split up with my boyfriend a couple of days ago basically because of my insecurity/jealousy/mis-trust. It's bizarre but I dont actually think he has cheated on me or if he ever would but I wanted to catch it before it happened so I pryed into all of his female friend relationships and constantly worried about 'what if...' so I could dump him before he took advantage of me. What a complete waste of a relationship! I'm realising how crazy it sounds as i type this.We finished but neither he nor I can afford to move out so we are stuck in the same house. He has said that it may be possible for us to get back together at some point and even if he moves out it may happen so I'm sure he still loves me but I'm not sure how to act or what to do for the best. He wants to stay friendly and says the last thing on his mind is starting a relationship with someone else. Should I stay in a different room from him all the time or just act normal and friendly incase there is a chance? I dont even know if I should still make his dinner since i'm making mine. I feel as though I should be laying down some house rules but dont know what. I'm really confused. I dont want to do the wrong thing. I have to say it was a mutual split. He couldnt cope with the way I was acting and I couldnt cope with the way I was feeling. I couldnt carry on with what was going on in my head so I reckon the split is a good thing but I've never been alone and the thought terrifies me. I have a 5 year old - what am i supposed to do when he goes to bed? Sit and watch TV alone all night every night? What I have realised is that what I thought was 'gut instinct' was really just paranoia and now i have no clue if what I feel is right anymore. Has anyone been in this position and it's worked out? What's the best way to go about getting back together? If we do get back together how can I differentiate between gut instinct and paranoia?Any advice on my situation would be great.Thanksxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): hi i was in this situation for 10 months,i slept on the sofa then my daughter moved out so her room became available, we knew we couldnt carry this on for ever as it wasnt fair on either of us,we both never had much money but my partner went to the local council and they do a loan sceheme for people who want to rent privately,for the deposit on a flat or house,perhaps you should make enquiries about this.Hope this can be some help to you.good luck.
A
female
reader, LISAG +, writes (21 November 2006):
 Well if your situation has to stay as it is then you'll have to make the best of it. Treat him like you would a friend, but yes I think laying down some house rules is a good idea - but you both have to do this together and agree. Ideally it would be much better for you to both have your own space, can't he move in with friends or family ? I mean you don't say if you even have seperate rooms or what ? Also you obviously need to urgently address your insecurity issues as you have driven a wedge between you and your bf. I would either recommend self help books or possibly some sort of counselling, as until you change your attitudes/paranoid thoughts you will have difficulty having any sort of a healthy relationship. Being alone will not kill you, you need to toughen up somehow and not cling to others in such a dependant way. It's easy for me to say from the outside I know and it can get lonely on your own, but if you don't take drastic action you may find you will be alone anyway. It's not crazy to worry about "what if's" - everyone thinks about them, but healthy thought patterns push doubts out until you have good reason to believe them. Most of what people worry about never actually materialise ! Tricky situation you're in and I wish you luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): That just happened to me we were just together for financial reasons for 1 year... finally I had to move out because I was stressing myself out what to do and what to say etc... Do you have family you can stay with?? alot of states offer nice housing for single mothers??? good luck
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