A
male
age
41-50,
*wank1
writes:I broke up with GF yesterday and don't know if it was the right choice. We had been together 18 mo and living together for 12 of that, things have been rocky off and on mostly about friends that she doesn't trust and doesn't want me to be friends with. I also felt a bit trapped because I could never go and hang out with any of my friends without her there, even though she hung out with her friends. I haven't been happy in our relationship recently and every time things got bad I thought about breaking up with her (which isn't a good sign). So finally after a weekend of arguing and not talking I decided that it was time for us to break up.She didn't expect the break up and really wants to make it work and I told her I couldn't. I don't know if this is the right decision but I don't want to get back with her out of guilt or freight of being lonely. It just breaks my heart to see her packing her things and crying and not be able to do anything. What I was so sure on before the break up I am just not sure about anymore. What should I do? Is it healthy to try and fix it if you are not sure it can work? How do you know you made the right choice?
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male
reader, zwank1 +, writes (21 March 2007):
zwank1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you "Having Problems???" I do think the whole issue is around trust. In my eyes she doesn't trust me or she wouldn't care if I hung out with another girl that she doesn't like, especially in a group and with that girls boyfriend. But she just doesn't like that person and doesn't want me or her to have anything to do with her. This has gone on so long that it has eaten away at me and made me bitter about it, it has also made me start to not trust her like I used to around people.
Maybe we are a lost cause and there is no repairing it. It is just hard to see someone you still care about having to move in the middle of the night and not knowing where they are staying or if they are going to be alright. But I still don't know if that is enough to stay together.
A
male
reader, zwank1 +, writes (21 March 2007):
zwank1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaving Problems??? I agree with you regarding the trust thing. She hasn't trusted this friend (who is a girl) for 6 months. There is just something about her that she hates, but at the same time I am good friends with her and there was never anything between us. That friend even has a boyfriend since the new year, but she doesn't even want me hanging out with her in a group unless she is there, but then she gets upset that she has to hang out with her.
I brought up the trust thing and she does trust me but she didn't know how serious I was about us since we didn't talk about marriage and such things. Saying that if we had talked about those things and knew I was in it for the long-haul that she wouldn't have been so nuts about this situation.
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A
male
reader, zwank1 +, writes (21 March 2007):
zwank1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the quick reply, I know she wants to stay together because she told me over and over. Then this morning (like I said we live together) she told me that I should think about this because she doesn't want to throw it all away on a bad couple of months.
I know I have to be sure to give it another whirl and don't know if we would make it in the long-term and don't think it is fair to prolong this with my doubts. Obviously I am not sure about anything anymore or I wouldn't be making myself sick to my stomach and asking for help.
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A
female
reader, Having Problems???  +, writes (21 March 2007):
your ex-gf clearly has feelings for you and if you are determined to give it another go the u have my support as im all for it. you also said you need space with your friends without her being there. that is also not a problem if you just talk with her privetly and say how much you care for her or love her and tell her you think you made the wrong choice in dumping her and if you do get back together then you will need to set some bounderies as u both cant spent 24/7 together thats mostly why couples argue as everyone needs their breathing space. if you both agree that she can spend time with her friends alone then so can you and if she says no then she clearly doesn't trust you and if there is no trust then there is no posible way of regaining a proper relationship. i hope i've helped and would very much like to hear how you get on as i have been in the same situation once before.
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A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (21 March 2007):
 A definite no. You're bound to get back into the same trap as you so call it the moment you give in to your feelings and take her back. I know you said she was crying as she was packing up, but whos to say she wasnt really actually agreeing with the break up?! Ive had that happen to me once. I thought Id ask her back after seeing her being sad and depressed for a whole day but when I did, she said no, that she thought we couldnt just keep breaking up and getting back together! And besides, you shouldve thought about it thoroughly before you asked for the break up, because asking her back after a few days just because you miss her isnt the most flattering thing to do. You think about it.
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