A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids..I might be all over the place but thank you for reading this. So..I keep calling my ex lately and he hasn't been picking up the last few random times. Of course.. he is probably annoyed since I block my calls.. We broke up 8 months ago. The reason for me was he kept mentioning breaking up whenever we had arguments or problems. I was so hurt that I couldn't hold on anymore even though I never wanted to break up. I felt it was childish of him..But he wasnt happy with me so I let him go for his sake..His reason for wanting to break up was we argued too much and he didn't see us getting along in the long term.Regardless, I still want to share the good and bad things in my life with him whenever I think of him. I didn't have a full time job or a car until a few months ago and I'm sure that affected our relationship too. He was financially drained and drove most of the time. I helped out with expenses whenever I can since I only had a part time job then and borrowed my family's car to go see him occassionally especially when he was sick.. With all this said I feel I want to get back with him..but he probably moved on already. Am I foolish in my way of thinking? I wholeheartedly loved him and I still miss him to this day.. There are other men who wants a relationship with me but I don't want them.. We were together for 1.4 year but spent almost everyday together.. Before this final breakup he did break up with me and asked me back after 3 days once before.. It's not like I only want him back because it's familiar and comfortable to be in a relationship. I just have a feeling we can make it work again and give it another chance..but to do that I understand we have to deal with the core issues that broke us apart first.. I really want to see his smiling face again and feel that after several long months perhaps the both of us have made positive progress as well as learning from the relationship we had..But I do understand he may think otherwise..I would like to hear your thoughts and advice. Thank youu
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 June 2017):
 Honestly you broke up for a reason so I don't think it will work. He felt you both didn't get on well. Eight months is a long time, he is probably not picking up because he has moved on with his life and you should probably do the same. Yes it can be difficult but I think you need to accept that this relationship is over.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2017): You must prepare to move on, regardless. You're starting a cycle of breaking-up to make up. That will only become a habit; and it shows immaturity on both parts. You can't settle problems or disagreements until you've separated; but you don't really solve your issues. You just comeback; because you miss each other.
That's how that repetitive-cycle begins.
Well, now you want to backtrack. Guess what? He's getting used to the peace and quiet. You're addicted to the drama, and like the dopamine-fix you get when you make up. Then the differences are still there; and you're back to square one.
Frequent fighting is a sign of incompatibility. You want to work things out in theory; but you don't practice it or set those wheels in motion, when you get that opportunity.
You may not want anybody else; but may have no other choice. What's the point if neither of you have changed or can't seem to compromise like two adults. You just hate being apart; but get on each others nerves when you're together.
Time to let go. You need some independence. You went through hard-times; but you didn't weather the storm. It pushed you further apart. Now you claim you broke-up, because he kept saying he wanted it. Why do you think he kept saying he wanted to? Eventually you put your mind to your words!
Eight months is long-enough to get pretty used to your freedom. No fights or discourse. Doing as he pleases, and the absence of conflict. Thus, he avoids your calls. They'll be nothing but tears and pleading. Drama and emotional outbursts. Then tantrums or rage; if you don't get your way.
You're emotionally-dependent. It was reinforced when you were out of work, and needed him for transportation and financial-support. Now you're afraid to be on your own. If you ask me, I think it will do you more good to remain single. Not even date for awhile. Just work on yourself and heal. Concentrate on your new job, plan a big vacation; and get on with your life.
You need this down-time for some self-improvement, introspection, and reprogramming. You've leaned on him too long. He took everything with him. You've relinquished all your own power, and gave-up. You've got to be able to stand-up by yourself; no matter what he does. Concentrate on getting your finances in order. Maybe you need to make some new friends. I'm not talking about male-friends. Last thing you need right now. Time to stop wallowing in self-pity.
If you felt you could survive on your own, you'd be closed to being over him by now. Challenge yourself. Prove to yourself he doesn't hold your heart in the palm of his hand; and you have the inner-strength to go on. With or without him.
Trust me! You will love yourself once you feel that power return. Then going back to him will be an option; not to appease some weakness. He'll fade into your past, and you'll start looking forward.
Sorry, if this isn't what you wanted to hear.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 May 2017):
 Some times a relationship is so close to what we want and need that we settled for it. Close but no cigar kind of thing. What you had with him might have been something like that. He most likely didn't quite feel as much for you as you did for him. I really think this ship has sailed and you now know better what you want in a relationship and can actively pursue your dreams. Good luck.
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