A
male
age
36-40,
*ootaheart
writes:Hello,I am 22 years old and was in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 2 years roughly. we both loved each other like crazy. I would literally spend at least 12-13 hours of the day with her. We are both university students and go to the same university in more or less the same program. Shes the same age as me. She was the best girlfriend a man could ask for and we were planning to get married. She didnt have a lot of friends and was very close to her family. We would literally do everything for each other and just wanna be with each other always regardless of what anything else is going on. She wasnt close to her father who is an alcoholic and somewhat abusive towards her mother. However she is very close to her mother who is her best friend. I have met her family on numerous occasions as well who showered me with love as well. However i had not yet introduced her to my parents and was going to do so very soon. We had thought of a whole life together, happy and in a world of our dreams. I am becoming a doctor and i got admitted to a carribean medical school and this got her depressed even though i was planning to take her with me and give her numerous plane tickets to visit me if she didnt come along. At the same time i started working to make some more money and she started flirting with my best friend and one fine day kissed him. she didnt tell me about the kiss and i found out somehow through her facebook. she had been flirting for a few months now, on and off. i found the convo. i was furiated. i cried and confronted her but she begged me to take her back and she made a mistake. I was willing to forgive her but i couldnt at that time. she threatened to kill her self. i did not know what to do. In desperation i told her i would be back to her. But i took her to her mother and told her to take care of her.I started to miss her like hell after two days and went back to her to tell her we should give this another shot. She had taken a 180 degree turn by then and didnt wanna do anything to do with me. i believe her mom mustve have told her not to rely on me or something. I was still adamant to be back so kept trying to talk to her. I sent her flowers and gifts. She said she wanted to be my friend but then one day i cried infront of her and urged her to come back to me. i told her i would do everything and anything for her and would change everything she dislikes about me. she told me she doesnt love me and wants to date other people. she told me she wants to have flings and does not want anything serious. she told me she did everything for me and i did nothing in return. she insulted me and i cried through all of this. she called my brother to tell me to stop bothering her. I am so confused. I want her back so bad. I dont know what to do. If anyone could help me i would greatly appreciate it. She hates how i am constantly trying to talk to her. She wanted to be friends but she wanted me to pull myself together and not bother her. It just amazes me how someone who loved u so much for 2 years can forget all that love in 3 weeks.HELP PLEASE!!!
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male
reader, tootaheart +, writes (3 November 2010):
tootaheart is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all of you for answering my question. I greatly appreciate it and i am humbled.
I am shattered at this point. I am going to a party tomorrow where she is also going to be. I think shes gonna dance with other guys and thats gonna kill me. I just want her back. I would change the direction of the sun and the moon if she would come back to me. I love her like i can love no one. I know i shouldnt because she betrayed my trust and on top of that makes me to suffer like this. But i love her with all my might. I can only pray to god she comes back to me. Shes going to singapore in 2 months for a 8 month coop job. Im going to medical school in the carribean in january, the same time shes going. I regret leaving her during that week everyday but my emotions seem to have no effect on her. I wept my heart to her and told her i wont be able to live without her. I told her shes my soulmate, my everything. she had no emotion and told me not to be so dramatic and not think of this as a movie. she told me she does not like quite a few things bout me. I told her id change but she didnt listen. She left me crying in my car and left without saying anything.
so my question here is if i can provoke some sort of thought in her head to think of me in a positive way? i know she needs space but i dont have much time. but ill even go to singapore for her if i have to, but she wont take this receptively. I can think logically but my heart doesnt accept that one girl who was my life now hates me so much in 3 weeks. Ill even apologize to her mom if i have to. I dont wanna push her further though. Please help. please
A
female
reader, Sellie  +, writes (3 November 2010):
Hey there,
First of all, I'm sorry to hear that you're having to go thru all this. I'm in somewhat of a same situation right now. Fiance of 2,5 yrs broke up 4 days ago because he "can't be in a relationship right now" and has a lot on his plate. I think he also just wants flings and nothing serious, which he should've thought of before he went on one knee. He just turned 23 and I'm 24.
Anyway, in the past 4 days I have spoken with a numerous amount of people for advise, I even went to see a counselor today.
If you want a chance of her coming back to you, you need to leave her alone. Don't call, text or e-mail... The more you try to contact her, the farther you will push her away. When dude broke up with me, I called him every day a few times, texted and e-mailed often. He would just ignore all of it and I pushed him the other direction by doing so. Leave her alone for a while, give her the chance to miss you and wait for her to contact you. I know it's hard not to try to contact, but you gotta try to push thru that.
Don't put your life on hold. Every minute you spend focusing on your ex is a minute that's holding you back from a better future. She seems to have made it clear she does not want to be with you.
I understand that right now it seems that she's your everything, your world and you don't want to let go, but there's plenty of girls out there that would so appreciate your sweetness, really. But again, if you want a chance, you need to start with not contacting her and she may realize what a big mistake she made and come back to you.
You seem like a very sweet, caring and thoughtful guy, sending the girl gifts and flowers, willing to fly her over to you to visit... I mean, she did kiss your friend. Are you sure this is all she has done? I think you deserve someone that's faithful to you. Also, she sort of blackmailed you by saying she'd kill herself if you wouldn't come back to her...? There's something wrong right there too. Just think about if she really made you happy, or if there were any other issues that maybe makes a relationship unhealthy and then decide if you still want her back.
Heck, I should take some of my own advise...
Good luck hun.
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A
female
reader, Behkay +, writes (3 November 2010):
 Hey there bud. I have found myself in the same situation before, only mine was seriously dated for 3 years, forgotten in less then 3 days.
It happens and it hurts, a lot. Unfortunately, we can't do anything about this. When someone solidifies their heart in this manner it can be very devestating. By what you said, it seems this girl is nuts, not meaning to offend her or anything. Obviously she truely didn't love you if she was doing stuff behind your back and has had no feelings towards this whole dilema.
I'm sorry to say it, but it's time to move on. She will realize what she's lost, I promise. When someone is in a long term serious relationship at such a young age, it's almost inevitable to not be curious as to what else is out there. You will find another. It will be a hard journey to get over this, but I promise that eventually it will end. Best of luck to you :).
Love and respect, Rebeca.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2010): obvouisly she needs space so i think that would be best for both of you right know
you really didnt do anything besides be an obsesive ex
and i get that she was your first real love
your first love is the hardest to get
but remember she was the one that cheated on you, you didnt do anything wrong
but i guess she felt abandoned
when she needed you the most you left and dumped her at her mothers house, i mean put your feet in her shoes that must have been a put down right
i think the best thing would be for you to apologize for being so obsesive and for you to tell her hopefully you guys might be friends and leave her alone and wait for her to come to you, if she doesnt than in the long run was she really worth it, because if she really cared about you she would make the first step toward you
i get you want her back but i think shes not ready to jump back into that field especially with her ex
hope it all works out
to tell the truth your first love will always hold a special place in your heart
let her be free if you really love her
DO YOU?
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