A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I moved away this year to do a postgrad and my boyfriend stayed behind and we're doing long-distance. I'm going home tomorrow for my graduation from my undergrad college and my boyfriend is refusing to come. He says he can't believe I'm giving my two guest tickets to my parents even though he's the one who helped me get my degree (he helped me study cause my parents are nightmarish) he doesn't see how I can't not ask my parents...they did pay for me to go to college after all. he can get in, he just has to que(along with my sisters and grandmother might I add). He won't come to my grad meal and he won't collect me from the airport, meaning I have no way to get home without it costing a fortune and this means that he will only bother to see me for one of the four days I'm home. Its really upset me and I don't know what to do. I really just feel so disappointed. He says I don't care about him because I can't give him a ticket to get in, he doesn't seem to understand that its not that simple....
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): Ask other grads if they will be using their tickets. Not everyone has a big group going to graduation, and not everyone walks, either.
Your boyfriend is being a bit ridiculous. Although he helped you study, he did not "put you through college." Make the best out of the situation and don't stress too much about it. If he continues to be dramatic about things, you will have to decide if you want to live with that.
A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (2 November 2010):
Sounds like your boyfriend is being stubborn. I know it is difficult to talk long-distance but you need to try and relay how you are feeling and explain that they are your parents, even though he may have helped you more than they did, they are family and he should respect that.
Reinforce that you REALLY want him to be there... to share the memory with him and remember him being part of a big event in your life. If you can manage to talk openly and get him to feel how much you appreciate him and want him to come.. I'm sure he will back down.
Maybe you can offer come kind of incentive, like you could look forward to something else special for just the two of you the day after? Remind him that if there were three tickets you would give him the other one without question.
Tell him that if it is REALLY what he wants, to not be with you, then you will accept his decision, but make sure he knows that you're really feel hurt and sad that he won't be there to support you.
I think if you can openly and honestly have this talk with him, and make him feel wanted and needed, but he still refuses to come, then I think you have a very stubborn boyfriend. Perhaps this could cause a major issue in your relationship.. as you may need him in the future and he just won't be there for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): I think maybe your boyfriend is just hurt and is missing you more than he is letting on. He has to realise that he is reacting a little selfishly and your parents are your parents, regardless of what they do, and you need to tell him that if it was really your choice, and if you weren't obligated to give your parents tickets, you'd love to give a ticket to him. Just talk to him. tell him how important it is that he see's you, that you DO care about him. Try to see it from his point of view though. He feels he's been a really important part of your education and yet he has to queue and feels less important than your parents, who he see's as not having done as much for you as he has. Its just a lack of communication. See if you can work it out before your graduation, talk to him without arguing and see where you end up. If he refuses to bend on the subject maybe think about why he's behaving the way he is and if it's going to work out?
At the end of the day it's a very big event for you, and he should be there, putting all negative feelings and rights and wrongs aside, but if he isn't there for you, make sure to enjoy it anyway, you deserve it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question{this is the original poster} and how do I tell my parents that my boyfriend won't come? they really like him, but if he does this they'll never accept him again...I'm not close with my parents and I never talk to them about relationship stuff
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