A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi,My ex and I broke up about 3 weeks ago and I thought it was mutual, both of us acknowledged that we no longer get on like we used to and have tried to make it work on multiple occasions over the past year. Basically it was one of those relationships where if he could have me he didn't want me but if I was ready to call it quits he would suddenly up his game. I decided I deserved better.But now that I want to seriously move on, he keeps trying to contact me begging me not to and saying that he can't do without me. I've blocked him on everything...whatsapp/text/facebook and now he's started meeting me from college and emailing me every night.The content of his emails vary, sometimes they're 'I miss you, i can't see my life without you in it' and other times it's abuse...he's presumed i've moved on and i'm now with someone else and tells me i'm cold hearted to move on so soon when he still loves me. Tonight he sent me an email saying that he saw me in a shop with another guy which is far from true, and he demanded I give him an explanation. (He used to accuse me of cheating even when we were at our happiest but I was nothing but loyal to him)It is well and truly over and he seems reluctant to accept it. I really don't want to have to email him back telling him to leave me alone as I think he will feed of that. What is his problem? How am I supposed to meet new people when I constantly feel watched?
View related questions:
broke up, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (22 March 2016):
 I forgot to add, if you SEE him in person, DO NOT stop and chat. I think he takes that as an "invitation" to keep bugging you.
If he doesn't go to the college, you might also consider through your counselor to have campus security deny him access. It might not be possible as he hasn't "done" anything to you, but his threats are something you need to beware of.
As for meeting new people, I get your fear. I wouldn't want a new beau to be threatened by this clown either. And I think that is why you HAVE to take his stalking serious.
The fact that he isn't right in the head (so to speak) makes him more dangerous.
So TALK to a school counselor and your parents. If they think a TRO is the way to go, then talk to the police & campus security.
http://nobullying.com/ex-boyfriend-stalking/
http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/stalkingsolutions.htm
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 March 2016):
I agree, his behavior needs to stop.
Like WCA suggested, consider talking to a counselor at school and your parents.
Actually, I think e-mailing him a short and to the point e-mail might be the thing to do. But I'd talk to a counselor first and make sure they think that will help.
Tell him; "Dude, we are over and I want no further contact. IF you can't respect that I will consider taking out a TRO (Temporary restraining order )"
(and keep the abusive e-mails. They will help you when filing for one.)
It might make him realize that you mean business.
What he is doing is NOT OK. And I would REFUSE to even acknowledge him now on.
I wouldn't answer any of his questions, you OWE him nothing. No explanations, no attention.
I would also suggest you start keeping a diary, not time and dates he shows up where you are to "check " up on you. Change your route and routines as much as you can. And also, I'd stay try and stick to being around friends as much as possible (make sure they know not to talk to him about you).
Hopefully, all he really needs is more time to accept that it's over. Maybe what he is doing is "his" version of "fighting" for you - NOT THAT you should fall for that crap. But I think by telling him to STAY the F away (use your own words) he might realize it sooner rather than later that you are not kidding.
He sounds like an ass and I'm glad for you that you are no longer with him.
Don't subscribe to the notion that he is doing all this out of "love" - it's not - it's out of anger over the lack of control he now has over you and THAT is bad news.
Stay safe.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe is emotionally damaged, he knows it and I did try to condone his behaviour and even tried to help him when it first appeared but it was making me so unhappy and he refused to help himself. He was emotionally abusive towards the end of the relationship, and super manipulative and it caused my self esteem to hit rock bottom, that's when I realised I needed to get away from him. He started 'play fighting' with me too saying it was only banter, but maybe that was the beginning of the physical side?I go to college part time and live at home. He lives two minutes away from the college so it's easy for him to keep watch. He used to turn up when we were on and off and would make a scene, he would cry and beg for me to talk to him which I did for so long but lately i've had to leave college about 15-20 minutes after my class has finished in the hope that he gives up waiting and goes home. My friends have started offering to give me lifts home because of this as well.But it's the sheer fact that I don't feel that I can even speak to anybody of the opposite sex. I feel like i'm missing out and don't want to keep pushing nice people away...he also makes threats that if he finds out i'm seeing another person he will find out who they are and track them down and he has followed through with it before when I was friends with a guy, but in his head the relationship was far more intimate. It's embarrassing that he has to resort to such immaturityI've gone off on a bit of a tangent there...apologies ^
...............................
A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (22 March 2016):
He needs to go away.
Do you live at home or on campus? I know you are an adult, but it is time Imo to seek outside help in getting him out of your life. Talk to either your parents or the counselor at your college. Tell them what he is doing and ask for resources. They will help.
His behavior is abusive and controlling. Not to alarm you but men who behave this way can get worse not better. Sometimes they end up physically hurting women or worse.
Don't think that because you know him he won't do that. Everyone thinks that, sometimes until it is too late.
...............................
|
