A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my girlfriend a month ago....she was(and still is) deeply and madly in love with me whereas i soon realised that she isnt the one i am looking for....so before it got too late, i broke it off without any warning and she was devastated...she became really panicky about losing me and offered her friendship instead...she thought maybe this will do the trick and she can keep me close to her in whatever relation she can manage to...but i really am not comfortable about this friendship thing after the breakup ...moreover i felt the same old leftover feelings which were not doing anything good in this relationship, the difference being only the labels of gf-bf changed!i broke it off completely and calmly sorted out everything with her consent that we will give it some time before getting into friendship..she agreed! i dont deny the fact that i care for her a lot and cant see her struggling with it ..i have always fed her urge to talk with me and called her whenever she missed me or i missed her ....recently we didnt talk for a month at a stretch..and when i called her today i could feel that she still wants me in her life and is very obsessed with me! although she claims that i am only her best friend but she still NEGOTIATES our TALKING TIME and desperately wants me to come along with her and her friends to go outdoors.....she jokingly threatens that if i wont call her, SHE will call me to talk to me whenever she will wish to ...she knows i care for her!i dont deny that i have been a major culprit in whatever is happening to her ....sometimes i have also been a foolish to remind her of wonderful moments we shared when we were together and i have cut open all the healing wounds whenever we talked once in a while...if i dont talk to her once in 10-15 days , i feel really bad and lonely as to have changed and feel like i wont forgive myself for being so unfair to such a lovely caring girl i have ever met in my life! sorry but i cant cope up with this void in my life!i am in a fix ....i really dont think we are heading anywhere! instead she is trying to get closer to me everytime we talk and i feel pity for her and emotionaly tortured at the same time! i care for this girl a lot people! she is not anyone so that i should forget about her and move on consoling myself that its for good,i tried to ignore her, but it gets painful after sometime and i end up calling her inviting yet another miseries.. maybe i have given her the hopes....she has been with me everytime and has loved me like hell and has supported me with her true heart ! i cant be so mean to her! but the situation demands something else which is really tough for both of us! can this friendship really work in this case ? she realises that i am trying to avoid her and talk less as much as i can..but she cant help herself come behind me or show that SOFT CORNER AND DEEP CARE AND CONCERN she has for me..she pretends she is ok..but i can feel the pain in her voice on phone..this really turns me off and i feel more guilty! please give you opinion ....thanks ....
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female
reader, gemmaxx09  +, writes (23 May 2009):
 you did the right thing by breaking up with her because you dont feel the same way as she does. However, if you keep talking to her and calling her, telling her about the good times, you are hurting her to the core. I feel so sorry for her, she must be going through hell, but you shouldnt stay in touch with her out of pitty. If you care for her like you say you will let her go and after time she will move on with her life. She is not going to move on and heal if you two stay friends.
Yes she wants anything she can get but she deserves more than having a friendship with a guy she thinks is the love of her life. It seems as though your thinking of your own guilt about the situation when its not even about that, its about her feelings and letting her get on with her life.
I know this because i still love my ex and cant be with him coz he hurt me but he still contacts me, i kno if he left me alone and we had no communication id be ok. However he is not thinking of that.
Anyways, you dnt know it but you are hurting her more by staying friends with her, how is she going to feel if you meet someone and start a new relationship, she will be heart broken. You need to tell her that you really care about her but you shouldnt be friends because of her feelings and you dont want to hurt anymore than she already is.
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