A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I just had a break up, my boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We still have feelings for each other,but we have been fighting a lot. I have now figured out that the fighting has mostly but not always been because of me. I am insecure and not very confident. The fights were a result of my clingyness, constant questions to seek reassurance and generally other little things that I said and did that I now realise were torture to him, but in my head I thought his answers and hugs etc would make me feel good about myself. He tried to put up with this, but he hates talking about emotions etc, and he mostly lost patience and we argued.I am going to talk to a counsellor to improve my feelings about myself. I realise what I did to chase him away, but I still love him. Can it still work? even though he has broken it off and needs space? What can I possibly do from here?
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a break, broke up, insecure, needs space Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (17 July 2008):
Did you ever read the book, "Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus"?
You both should read that book.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2008):
 Well, good for you for taking some action to help yourself! That's great.
Now, how to let him know that you are working on this issue? Are you in contact with him at all? I mean, do you still email or phone each other? If you do email, it might not be a bad idea to write essentially what you've written here, with an apology for your clingy/overly needy behavior. But I wouldn't write that email until after a few counseling sessions, just so you have actually started to work on the issue, and have gained even more perspective on yourself and your relationship with him.
It might work for you, and he will want to try again with the newer, more positive you, but then you need to keep in mind that he may actually have had enough and isn't willing to try. So just keep on working on your self-esteem.
Good luck!
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