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female
,
*ubian
writes: Hello all,I have posted before concerning my boyfriend who broke up with me because of our 17 years age difference.I'm a 24 years old female and thr truth is that though I have tried so hard to let go and move on without him,it just seems so impossible.I just can't do it no matter what I do or try.All I keep seeing is his sweet smile and he sparkle in his eyes when he smiles at me.I feel so hopeless and lost without him in my life.Most of my days and tell myself that I will let go because I deserve to be happy and that he's not the only man in the world,then I feel all strong and determined.At that point I try to think of how much his decision has hurt me so I can feel mad towards him and be able to let go easier but then within 10 mins or so,I find myself back to missing and wanting him,knowing that deep within my heart that I still love him so and even more and more each day though we're apart.At times I find myself wanting to have sex but I just can't bear to go out there and do it with any other man.Thinking of that makes me feel so dirty and alone.I feel like I want him and him only and that my body still belongs to him and him only.He was a very wonderful guy,loving,caring just really sweet.He'll smile at you and you just want to melt away or drop dead cause when he does,it gives you/me such a warm and soothing feeling deep within.He was always good and sweet to me but decided that since I was 23 then and him 40,that he feels that though we are happy now that a few years from now it may not be what I want since we may both be at different stages in our lives.He made reference to the fact that some of the things I am just realizing or learning or experiencing,that he has already been through them,so he feels that in the long run if we continue our relationship that it may end up in pain for one or both of us when we realize then that this isn't what we want.(I think he was refering to me maybe changing my mind about my feelings for him and leave him,where he'll be then left in pain).God knows i love this man,and I really really dont know how to let go,when I will if I do,or if I ever will.At this moment it just seems so impossible,so very hard.Please advise me,I'll really appreciate it cause I just dont know where next to turn,and how should I deal with my sexual frustrations at this point? Thanks in advance..........
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (28 July 2006):
 Honey, you have idealized your relationship with this man to the point of blindness. It also sounds like all you can think about is the sex. This does not a lasting relationship make.
Your man's reasons for letting you go are pretty clear - you still have some growing to do, based on how you have expressed yourself in this post. He has chosen (for better or worse) to let you do this growing outside of this lopsided relationship.
Why do I say lopsided? Not because of the age difference, but because he may look at you and think, "This girl does not have her shit together yet. I don't want the burden of a needy partner." That is what he means by "he has been through them already."
I know that my assessment is a bit harsh. I don't sugarcoat my advice - just look at my column.
It's time for you to work on your self-esteem so that you don't judge your worth by the way others treat you. The best relationships are ones in which two people choose to be together. In your case, it appears that you need to be with this guy, and that is not healthy for a relationship.
Good luck and take care.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): Age means nothing hun, age is just a bunch of numbers you put on your drivers licence. If you love him and he loves you whats stopping you? Go for it and i'm betting you'll love the outcome. Good Look!!
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