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male
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*ator
writes: Hi,About 6 months ago, my girlfriend of 2 years and myself started having a long distance relationship. I had to move about 100 miles away for a job. I told her we would see each other on weekends and talk all the time and everything would be all right. She did not want me to go, we were planning on moving in together had I stayed in the city. She said that it will be too hard to have a LDR but she agreed to try it. About 4 months ago, she said she "wanted some space" to find herself. I was fine with this at the time, and thought it a good idea. I was irritated with her because she was being very moody and didn't seem happy to see me on the weekends. And We had been through this once before and when we got back together we were much closer. Last week she told me that she was going to start dating someone else, an old friend. All of the sudden, I lost it, I got very jealous and couldn't talk to her for a week. All I could do was remember the good times and I forgot all the moodiness and bad times. I talked to her yesterday to see if there was any hope for us. I didn't beg, but I made it clear I wanted her back and that I would be more affectionate and loving(I had been neglectful and I think this cuased her moodiness with me). Anyway, I told her all of this and she said she wished we had this conversation three months ago, but it was too late now. She is enjoying this other guy and doesn't want to move backwards with me. She loved me as a person, but not romantically. She said we made the best of friends but not lovers. I then told her I wished her well, but i can't talk to her anymore. I would have to cut off contact and move on. She was definitely saddened when I told her this but she understood. I miss her so much and I can't stop thinking about her. I am torturing myself with all the things I did wrong and I just want her back. The thought of her with someone else makes me sick. I keep fantasizing that she will call me and want to try again.Did I do the right thing in cutting off all contact?
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male
reader, Gator +, writes (28 July 2006):
Gator is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for confirming i did the right thing. It hurts like hell, and I keep glorifying her in my mind and blaming myself for things that were not all my fault. Its funny how I'm suddenly forgetting all her negative qualities and see her as an angel who I caused to "be the devil." Its masochism and I'm just beating myself up with regret and the what ifs and should haves. I know its distorted yet I feel complelled to it. This too shall pass.S
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2006): god, that's terrible. i'm sorry you're going through that. thinking about the one you love being with someone else, especially after two years, hurts like hell. believe me, i've been there. but you definitely have not done the wrong thing in asking for time away or cutting all contact. because everybody needs space after an emotional breakup to get their feelings in check. you won't be able to have a friendship with her immediately when you still have feelingsfor her, you know? and maybe you'll be friends again some day, and maybe you won't. either way, you're doing the right thing.
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