A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated this guy for 3 months a year ago, last summer.He became very ill after about 6 weeks of us being together and was hospitalised for near on a month.I know 3 months isn't very long in terms of relationships, and even though it's likely it was lust more than love, I haven't ever felt so deeply for one person, ever, and he felt the same too. It was almost like we were the yin and yang of each other, we just meshed so, so well.But it fell apart when he came out of hospital. He had been very successful running his own business, but all of a sudden he was almost bed bound, he couldn't work, he couldn't do anything. He was feeling very low. It put alot of strain on our relationship and he ended up calling it off, he said he had nothing to offer me, he wanted to be able to look after me, take me out to dinner and do stuff with me and he could hardly get out of bed. He's a very proud and independant person, I understood his reasons although I was willing to work through his recovery with him.We kept in touch for a while after breaking up but it was too hard for both of us to see each other. The feelings were too intense still.He moved away as soon as he was able to, and has spent the past 9 months or so living 4 hours away from where we both lived. He spent the year recovering and getting his health back up to scratch, and training for a new career, he'll never be able to go back to his old work/job.He came back for good a few weeks ago, and got in touch. He's exactly the same guy as when I first met him, not the nearly bed bound guy I saw last. It's like we picked up where we left off without him ever being ill...Like no time has passed at all.We've agreed to take things as they come, and not rush back into a relationship. He hasn't dated anyone since me, and I had a brief relationship in this time. The problem was that no one seemed to compare to him or how he made me feel. Neither of our feelings seemed to have dimmed at all, and I'm glad we had the time apart to individually get ourselves straight, I suppose my one little niggle is I'm scared of him leaving again...I know it was because he got ill, but it was so hard.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2009): I think you should go for it :) otherwise you'll be wondering 'what if'. It wasn't because he got ill, it was because he's too proud and didn't want you to be a burden, which as you say, and I think, is understandable. That could have been the outcome of a lot of other problems. This time, if you decide to go for it, first explain that you want to be there for him through the good AND bad times, however ill one of you may become. If he wants to give up at the first hurdle the second time around then he needs to tell you now. But, if you're as good together as you say you are then you will try to make it work.
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