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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My relationship with my girlfriend broke up just before Christmas. She was unable to let go of a relationship she had with her violent and abusive ex. I objected to her seeing him as I felt that it was derogatory to our relationship. A friend of mine saw them out together, when she told me she had been going out for the evening with a female friend. This really hurt, as she tried to lie her way out of it. A couple of days later, her mobile rang and she asked me to see who it was. I went to missed calls and saw it was him. I also looked in recieved calls and she had been talking to him several times for hours since they had the meeting.She said that she still wasn't over her ex, but even more so her previous ex before him. 'That was the life I should have had', she said. She also said that she loved me, but not enough to do what she was doing. I feel like a fool. I tried so hard to understand, but know I was in denial. I wanted to split last August when we came back from a holiday and she said that she was meeting up with a guy she had been in contact with from the dating site where we met. She insisted that they were just friends, but it was, in my opinion, a jealousy game. She would always come in after going out telling me how many other men had chatted her up or came on to her.I know I should have got out sooner (much sooner), but I stayed in it. Any tips on how to get over this?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): I agree totally with Irish. I think you are best rid. For some reasons people go back to these abusive relationships, time and time again, for what reason, i don't know. There must be something in the brains that says they must self destruct! It is always hard splitting up with someone but time is the greatest healer. You will get over it in time and you are not alone, we have all been there. You definately deserve better and someone will come into your life, just be patient and let this healing process work.
Take care and i wish you well - but i think you are well rid.
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2007): I agree totally with Irish. I think you are best rid. For some reasons people go back to these abusive relationships, time and time again, for what reason, i don't know. There must be something in the brains that says they must self destruct! It is always hard splitting up with someone but time is the greatest healer. You will get over it in time and you are not alone, we have all been there. You definately deserve better and someone will come into your life, just be patient and let this healing process work.
Take care and i wish you well - but i think you are well rid.
xx
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A
female
reader, Tanyas247  +, writes (25 January 2007):
 You'll get over her. Our minds are magical, and you will move on soon. Your subject seems to be looking to the past for happiness, and will most likely come back to you for attention when she isn't getting it anywhere else. Those who are constantly looking forward and back, rather than to the present, are hard to please, as they will always have their own ideas of how things happen. This leaves her closed to true peace, which is a challenge she will need to face at some point. Be glad that you now have a chance to be with someone who can really share themselves. There are many wonderful, hard-working, loyal women out there.
I will add that you should consider all of this if she ever comes back to you. It is dangerously difficult to curb those emotions enough to say no, but well worth it in the long run. She is obviously making choices only for herself without you in mind, and you can do better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2007): it is not easy to get over someone.Only you who can change the limit even the great scientist can't solve it.
talk to her again and tell if she knows exactly what she's doing in her life and if she want it never ending story that only revolve in her,then tell you want future.
Go for walk,read some interesting stuff, don't get affected of too much to think of her.relax time will come and you will amazed that you get over it.Although people are different maybe you see things in other aspect,but whatever best that you can do in order to get over her is with in you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): I am sorry. She is a troubled girl and likely doesn't know what she wants. She did lie and she was betraying you with a violent, abusive ex bf. She sounds like she could've been a 'needy' person and some females do this and yes, it's baffling. They go back to a volatile, toxic relationship because it was 'exciting' and familiar for them. So sad for her when she had the 'cream of the crop' (you) well within her grasp. I think you will come to eventually realize that you gf had some deeply-rooted emotional problems. Any tips to getting over her? I have none. You have to break total contact and learn to eventually stop loving her. This is the only way and it's a painful place to be. Distract yourself with good friends and trusted family. Keep busy and just do the hard work of healing, recovering and someday, you will a more suitable person, who does not have these problems. Good luck dear and I wish you the best.
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