A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm completely puzzled as to why but my ex boyfriend has just this week gone and got my name tattooed onto the back of his neck and I'm worried he now thinks we are back together after I have been talking to him about the reason I left him.We were together for 2 years almost and in that time, we were happy but had lot of ups and downs. The reason I ended it was because I'm 3 years older than him and whenever I mentioned wanting to get married and have children, he would just laugh it off and say not with me you won't. At first I kind of thought he was just joking but when he kept repeating it whenever someone asked us about anything relating to that, I just felt it was silly to hold onto something that wasn't going to go the way I would like. I love him still but it's an important to me and he was always aware of this. I thought he had took the break up well. We had to share the house we rented for a couple of months until I moved out last months but we were civil. When I moved out, he began texting me a lot,ringing me daily, turning up at my work, bringing me sweets or whatever (He would do this for me if I had a long shifts. It was his way of showing affection). I ended up asking him to stop doing it because I didn't understand why he was still acting like we were a couple. He explained that he missed me and missed talking, texting and all the little things that we did. He told me that he wanted to talk about us maybe having children but he definitely didn't want to get married. Which is fine, but I still feel like if we are so different it might not be the best idea to have children and then down the road see its not meant to be. Anyway he said he'd rather have my name tattooed on him to show commitment. I said I'd believe it when I saw it and then he sent me the bloody photo of him sat at the tattoo shop with it freshly inked into his skin. I'm actually worried that he isn't well to do something like that without actually thinking about it. He has tones of tattoos but I just think it's bizarre. I never said we were back together and I never said I'd take him back if he did this, or anything. I've just been civil and spoken to him when he has contacted me because I do still love him and I guess I wanted to talk to him too. I don't know where to go from here, please help me.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (26 April 2017):
 I think you need to cut all contact. This guy still thinks you are going to get back together and he is trying to show his commitment, he got your name tattooed on him because you had gave him false hope. I know that was not your intention but you now need to cut all contact. If you don't he will cling on to you. He needs to see that it is over.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (23 April 2017):
 I think you've unintentionally given him false hope and he's refusing to accept that it's over for good.
There's no in between with him - you have to cut *all* contact and tell him it's over permanently. Don't talk, don't explain, just ignore and move on. Call the police if he won't leave you alone; it's harassment.
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A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate  +, writes (23 April 2017):
You've been giving him false hope. Talking to him about why you broke up leads him to believe that if he tells you the right thing that will fix the problem and you'll get back together.
Stop taking to him stop telling him you love him and will always care about him. You are in very different places in your life and you want very different things. Move on and let him do the same.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (22 April 2017):
 *tattooing your name
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (22 April 2017):
That is crazy. Red flag. It doesn't sound mentally stable. He only said lets talk about babies, in order to get you back, you do know that right? He knew ALL ALONG that this was important to you, and he had the time to tell you he would have babies with you in order to keep you. If that was his wish. But it wasn't. So why should you take any of that serious? It's cheap talk. So then if you took him back, I am sure he'd been all "I told you not with me" again.
And wtf, he wants to tattoo your name on his neck to show commitment? Marriage isn't just about commitment, it's about a whole other lot as well. Just to mention some: financial responsibility for one another, promise in front of God, holding a ceremony, exchanging promises to each other... Him tattooing his name does not mean he promises to be with you and love and respect you, and you CERTAINLY are not obligated to reciprocate this.
I think this entire thing just shows his level of maturity. It's something rash and unnecessary and overly dramatic, like something a teenager would do. How old is he? Is he in fact a teenager still?
No, no, stay well clear of this man. Red flag all over. This isn't something someone who is mentally healthy would do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2017): His behaviour is borderline stalking and he is totally in denial that you're over for good. He thinks things will go back to how they were but you have seen something different and do not feel the same.
I would say to him that you are shocked that he's gone and got your name tattooed and you find it reckless - not romantic. Tell him clearly that you are not getting back together and while you have remained on friendly terms it is very clear you cannot be friends - because he is not accepting the relationship is over. Maybe do this with a friend near by, or in an email so you can plan out what you want to say.
Please be wary, people can have different sides and emotional situations can make people behave in ways you don't expect. I would just be mindful of the keen, friendliness turning into him being obsessed. If you have any problems or he turns up out of the blue, messages you excessively or does anything to make you feel uncomfortable then share this with people you do trust and report anything odd to the police - harassment is a crime and would be logged to build a picture. Sometimes just being spoken to by police can stop an obsessive ex.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 April 2017):
 I think it's a bad sign, to be honest. It's him REFUSING to face the facts.
I think he felt that YOU thought he didn't want kids because he didn't want to commit so, he thought that by getting your NAME tattooed onto him YOU would give up having kids and just be with him? THAT is a messed up logic.
I think by keeping in contact YOU are both holding on to the past and a relationship that isn't working.
I get that you still care, remaining "friends" is however NOT the way to go. I kind of find him getting that tattoo, showing up at your work and basically STALKING you are BAD BAD signs of a guy who is NOT accepting that it's over. That you want MORE.
So, in short, I think you need to let him know that you think cutting contact is the way to go and then STICK to it. I'm not sure he'll agree and honestly? I'd worry about how he will take it as I DO think he believes getting that tattoo fixes whatever issues YOU TWO had in the relationship and we all know... it doesn't change a darned thing. SO if he seems to react badly to the notion of NO contact you need to have your wits about you.
I think the ONLY way YOU can move on and later find someone who is a BETTER match is to cut ties. Same for him. You can't find someone new when you are still so entangled with this ex. It's not realistic. And ANY guy which an ounce of brains won't like dating a girl who still loves her ex and still keeps him around.
Time to move on. You have outgrown him, it happens. You don't OWE this ex anything, tattoo or not.
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