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male
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anonymous
writes: to keep her in the country or not?????i have had this gf for 3.5 years. 6 weeks ago she moved out for problems which i can only see as being minor and can be easily fixed provided we sit and talk honestly. at the start of our break up she was like we can move back in together in a couple of weeks and i love you and we can sought things out, then what do you know she does a complete 180 degree change and says there is nothing left and she has no feelings for me and she only wants to be friends. The things is she doesnt want to give me a second chance. so should i give her a chance to stay in the country? we are in a defacto visa and that is the only reason she is in the country at the moment. her boss at her work has told her he will help her out and get her a business work visa, (which after my talking to solicitors and reading the immigration site) doesnt seem to be viable. he said he will do anything to get her in the country, which sounds to me like he has other motives, as he will have to produce fraudulent paperwork and give her a $10,000 raise. who does that if thier not gettin anything out of it. plus she is now living with a girl from her work, and they keep puttin ideas in her head as she is not herself. honestly i want her back but i dont want to force her to come back to me and stay with me so she can stay in the country. however when she moved i got stuck with no warning and am left paying all the rent and other bills to pay in the house and i cant afford to help her with the visa as it means i cant get things i need like health cover due to her income. what to do? for her bday i took her to the mountains and i cooked a traditional meal from her home town, walked to some waterfalls and gave her some champaigne with strawberries coated with white chocolate, and a jigsaw puzzle of myself, her and our dog acccompanied by a 7 page handwritten letter of my feelings. she just seems to supress all her feelings at the moment and is stickin her head in the sand hoping for the best outcome. should i pressure her to make her see what she is losing or just leave it and see if she comes back in time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): You know, a girl who is so damn-it-to-hell weak against people like her boss/roommate, might as well allow you to get a heart-attack and die brutally.
I suggest you let her go. I really really REALLY suggest you let her go. I believe that if her mind is already so weak, whatever you say or do will not influence her enough, and in return, she may even believe you're trying to manipulate her.
I know the idea of letting her go really kills you, I am sure, but it is MUCH better in the long run than in the short. IF she comes back, then she does. If she doesn't, then that means this girl was never meant to be your's.
Living and catering to an illusion seems/feels great short termed, but after awhile, it'll come back and really really bring you down.
I am sure unfortunately, you're going to try to pursue her back anyway... How come? Well, let's say you try to leave it and see if she comes back. You don't talk to her for a couple of weeks, but every day will feel slow, and you'll get urges to see her or hear her voice, etc, then you're going to start calling her again... Etc, etc. Right?a
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