A
male
age
36-40,
*ossacelt
writes:Hey people.Ive posted a few quetions on this and yes ive used allot of peoples advice(so helpfull).I started posting quetions to help me get over my ex.I was in a really dark place and somedays i still am(today).The girl was amazing looking and intelligent but god she was a nasty b.... to me when she wanted to be.Im slowly moving on and i have been seeing diffrent women but i feel like i cant feel for them and i hate myself for feeling like this,it is selfish and i dont want to be with some1 just for being with some1 i want to love them.I miss my ex like mad and she used to feck me off then contact me again,then feck me off,then contact me again,now that has stopped:( She wanted to see me a few weeks back but nothing came about it(i sort of backed off from it).Im just a big soft guy whom has a really broken heart,and just want her in my life again even after all the stuff she has put me through.I think she might be seeing a new guy for the last few months,but i really just want to tell her what she means to me one last time!We used to text and call each other all night and tell each other how much we loved each other(yes we are adults) but that is months back and i miss it.Im trying everything2,everything to get her out of my head and heart.Should i just try and open up 1 last time,even a text or something?
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female
reader, BeSimplyTrue  +, writes (19 August 2010):
 It sounds like this relationship you have with her is really stuck in a cycle. The way you described it as "I miss my ex like mad and she used to feck me off then contact me again,then feck me off,then contact me again,now that has stopped" really makes me think that it's a cycle rather than growing, and you want a relationship with grows. You also want a relationship with a person who's growing. I think she definitely needs to grow, grow in a way that leaves behind the cruel behaviors that hurt people, but I also think YOU need to grow.
This is your chance. If she's taking the breakup seriously this time and not contacting you like she always does, I think this is a good thing. I know you miss her. I am not denying you miss her. But it really sounds like you're missing something that's not good for you...like when someone has been gorging on junk food and starts to try to eat healthily but really misses those chips and candy bars. You miss her because there are cool things about her, but also because you're USED TO her. Please try to keep that in mind. You being used to her doesn't make the relationship with her any more valid, healthy, or acceptable.
I think it is possible you could one day meet up with her again and make a go of it, but ONLY AFTER you both have grown. You sound like a very nice guy but you need to grow just as much as she does.
As you said, dating different women isn't working for you right now. You're still hung up on your ex. That is normal, that is fine. So don't date. Hang out with your friends, start a new hobby, and start exercising (note I said "AND" not "OR"). Even if your exercise is just walking a couple of blocks and turning around, do some exercise. It is excellent for fighting depression and getting your body moving helps work through your thoughts as well.
Don't deny to yourself that you miss her; really examine those feelings and accept them. Work through them. As they say, the only way out is through. Describe the situation to yourself, how she has so many appealing characteristics but how she treats you so badly. Tell yourself that you deserve better than that... because it really sounds like you do.
I'm not saying she's completely horrible and you need to learn how to hate her. Just start looking out for #1--that's you. Take care of yourself, grow, and hope that she is doing the same.
Telling her you love her one more time sounds romantic on the surface, but really it sounds like you're just hoping to get back into that cycle for the umpteenth time.
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