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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: one year ago my boyfriend broke up with me for no reason.I went off the deep end and did something i will regret for the rest of my life.I slept with one of his best friends. Awhile later me and my ex hung out and were talking, awhile later we both found out that we have herpes. I realized that i love my ex and we wanted to be together so i told him my awefull sinn that i had committed-sleeping with his friend. He was really mad and hated me for a long time but i knew i couldnt be with him and not tell him. We eventually got back together - i feel like i never stopped loving him. he was gone for about 6 months and i felt nothing in life i felt meaningless. We are still together right now have been for about 6months, but it bothers him all the time he says. Once in a bit we will have the same argument over the same mistake, my mistake. But this time was reallly bad. I cant see myself living life without him. I would die, literrally. We both really want to make it work, have been looking for advice on the internet, but nothing is really helping. What can i do to keep the one and only thing I want and need (my boyfriend)in my life??? What can i do to help him feel better or just love me for who i am?? I never cheated on him and never will but he looks at it as i did. i feel horrible.I'm so helpless please help me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009):
I think it would be easier in the long run if you just broke up.
This stuff is not fixable. He might eventually stop saying he is bothered by it to make things work better, but it won't ever really go away for him.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (17 September 2009):
 You need to sit down with your boyfriend. Both of you need to rebuild the trust you had long before your first breakup that led to the incident with his friend. He needs to know that this will never, ever happen again and that he's the one for you.
I think by being honest with him, you were showing him that you wanted him to be able to trust him and that you in no way wanted to keep this secret from him.
This is the part where you need to ask him for forgiveness finally and tell him you're suffering so much guilt and shame over it because you know it hurt him. But in order to do that, he has to open up to you as well and understand that his anger and rage against you are hurting you too.
You two do not deserve to suffer like this.
In order to do this, the two of you have to try and heal each other over this. There's no other way. In life we make mistakes and we do things we regret so deeply. To him it hurt him very deeply because he probably feels you did this to humiliate him. To you, you feel terrible for all of the pain it caused both of you.
Sometimes the only way to fix this is to forgive each other and support each other through this all the way so that it will never be an issue again.
The best thing you can do, both of you, is never use this to hurt each other. This is a lesson you both learned, something that you don't want to happen again. That's all it can ever be used for.
Its no different than if you had a marital infidelity in his mind. It could have any other man but that one guy. It interfered with his friendship and in a way has interfered with his ability to trust you, so with the things said here, there has to be mutual forgiveness.
Try and work towards that. Try and see if both of you can go past it.
If you need to go to a couples therapist, then try it. It seems that there's a great deal of love there, and its only one thing that's hurting both of you. A mistake should not take on a life of its own in your relationship.
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