A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys,My fiance and I went out last night after having a 3some with another woman the night before (his idea) We went to a bar and he kept reacting around a certain girl who was out. I asked what was wrong as he kept gasping, stopping still and holding my hand tight around her but he snapped at me saying i was paranoid. We went home after this (my suggestion) as i thought it would be best not to drink anymore and try to resolve the argument. My fiance was quite drunk at this point. He snapped again saying that I was paranoid and I didn't want him around women as he'd suggested we have another 3some with a different woman last night. We went home and I've broken up with him as he was trying to shift the blame on me and make me feel bad. I'm not paranoid as if i were, why would i allow the 3some to happen in the first place?!?! Am i right to feel so disrespected, not just by what he said but his whole actions??? Please help!
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broke up, drunk, fiance, threesome Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): You did the right thing, and he disrespected you with the threesome. Next time don't go with it, and they are not good for relationships in general. Tell him you don't want anymore of 3somes and he can't take that, leave him. If he was that serious about you, he would not find a way to ask for such a ridiculous request. This is your decision, but it sounds like he is not ready for a serious commitment and having only one woman for the rest of his life. He may come back realizing what he lost, but again he may not. If he comes back, make it clear that you are not going to accept him disrespecting you or move on. There are better men out there who will give you more respect then that. You deserve better then this and you don't need to waste time on someone who does not treat you right.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (13 April 2009):
It sounds to me that although he probably did want to keep you to be his little wifey, he wasn't quite ready to be a one woman man.
So when you had a threesome, he took it to mean "yeah you can have sex with as many other women as you want as long as I am there!"
So as soon as he had a few drinks down him, he's looking for the next girl he'd like to shag.
He's basically wanting a loophole so he can cheat on you and get away with it and still have you make him a cup of tea afterwards.
You were completely right to dump him. You should have more respect for yourself than to stay with a man who wants to keep you as a safety net while going out and acting like a single man.
He may realise what he has thrown away here and come back with new respect. He may also come back with the view that you'll probably forgive him and then he can carry on doing the same thing. He may not bother at all.
Hope for the best but expect the worst.
Stay strong and well done on being a strong independent woman who is not afraid to stand up for herself. We get so many girls on here who would carry on doing what he wanted and feel used and degraded in threesome after threesome just because they'd be scared of being single again.
Never change!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): I think the fact that you went along with a 3some in the first place was a bit of a mistake. Why wouldnt he suggest another 3some if you agreed to it once already? Im not sure why you broke up with him? You cant have a 3some with him and someone else and then get mad when he suggests it again.In my opinion 3somes dont work when a couple is involved when one wants it more than the other. I think the fact that your boyfriend wants to bring somebody else into the bedroom is not a good sign, whether he has your consent or not. 3somes are bad news for relationships.tell your bf no more 3somes. If he doesnt like it then leave.
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