A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we have lived together for more than half that time. I broke up with him on Saturday after having decided I couldn't see a future together. There are many issues, things i don't like about him and our relationship. Right before I broke up with him I was so happy- I would soon be free and i would be able to start my life....Then I talked to him last night and he can't understand- he is so willing to work through everything, to make it better. He even said that he would go to couples counseling with me. He said this was a huge mistake and that we could a have a great life where we both get what we want. I know he's right in some ways- we are good together and we are good at working things through, when we have the courage to bring up an issue. I feel so torn up- I still want to leave him but I donn't know what to tell him. I feel like I am giving in, deserting him. But I know that I can't stay because I feel bad. I could spend the rest of my life with him and have a great life. But I want MORE, you know? I want to be in love, I want passion, I want something...else. What should I tell him? Can he ever understand this?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (31 January 2007):
 I can totally understand where you're coming from love. He IS a nice guy, he has a lot of good qualities but you want more. Tell him exactly what you wrote... "But I want MORE, you know? I want to be in love, I want passion, I want something...else."
If THIS is how you're feeling now about him, can you imagine staying with him (rather than hurt him)maybe 5 years down the line? All you would do is resent him and grow to really dislike him. You need to get out of this relationship, he probably loves you but that's not enough, it must be a two-sided thing. What you're looking for is your soul mate. Here is my definition of a soul mate, is THIS what you're looking for?
Your soul mate is a person with whom from the outset, you have a special connection. He is someone to whom you are profoundly drawn. On first meeting your soul mate you will find that you instantly click, that there is a rapport. You feel that no one else in the room matters. They are someone with whom you have chemistry and you spark off one another, you are so intrigued by them that you find yourself listening more than you want to talk.
Your soul mate will be someone with whom you immediately feel comfortable. When you first meet, your heart may skip a beat at the mere mention of their name, your stomach may churn when you bump into them but they should also, in time, be someone with whom you feel at one. With this person you should feel safe and secure. They are not a person who would undermine you. They are not someone in whose company you feel threatened or small and they will love, respect and care for you.
Your soul mate is not someone who would ever want you to change. They think the world of you as you are. They are someone with whom you can share your innermost thoughts and worries, a person with whom you should be able to share anything, they are your friend and your confidante and your relationship with them should be honest. You should not be afraid of telling them anything because they love you as you are! They will never judge you and whatever you do their opinion of you will not change.
You are always "yourself" when you are together. You never try to be anything more or someone different because you don't need to. You don't have to impress them to win them over and you never have to play games to make them like you. You may come from different backgrounds, different countries, be twenty years apart, none of that has any bearing on whether you are perfectly matched. You see more in each other than the naked eye could ever see. You see into each other's souls which is why you have this deep, strong link.
There is an unspoken language between you and the spiritual connection between you both is so deep that you seem to be able to communicate without even speaking to each other. You are happy to lie in silence together. You feel sometimes that there is no need to talk because you feel that you know what they are thinking anyway. You feel so close to them that sometimes you think you could almost read their mind. You know when they are worried, in pain, or sad just by looking at them. It is as though there exists some kind of telepathy between you. You will often think the same things at the same times. You are able to finish each others sentences on occasions.
When you meet this special person you WILL know. It will be instinctive and it will be different from any feeling that you have ever had for anyone in the past.
Don't give up on meeting this person love... HE IS OUT THERE, you just need to find him. You need to close the door on one part of your life before another one opens. ;o)
Good luck in your search...
Eve
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