A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:will my girlfreind and i broke up a month and a half ago..we have kids..shes started sseing a guy rite after we seperated..i still help her out with our kids..and lately shes wont let me see my kids..its been a week tht i haven't seen my kids i really miss them why do women do this try to keep the kids from the fathers..or is she doing this to try to make me come back...she and i haven't really talked bout us..but she always says that she don't want me anymore..shes she don't care anymore bout me..we were together for ten years..can women really fallin love rite after we broke up could she really give up her feelings for me that fast..women have you just hated your man ex after a break up..i been wit my ex for so long and i don't understand how she could just stop lovein me..she told me to leave so i did...i still have strong feelings for her but don't know how she really feels..two weeks ago i went buy to see my kids and she asked me if i wanted to go with them..so i went and when we were going she started to cry i asked her if she was ok but she didn't say anything..could this mean she still has feelings for me...i jus don't know what i should do..i feel so lost..and jus really miss my kids...
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): "why do women do this try to keep the kids from the fathers.."Because some women believe children are their exclusive property, and break-up with father grants them right to reassign paternity to next boyfriend.Some believe children are also ideal weapons to "punish" fathers when not used as bargaining chips. "or is she doing this to try to make me come back..."Maybe, but not necessarily. As said above, in her mind they're HER kids, not yours anymore."can women really fallin love rite after we broke up could she really give her feelings for me that fast.."Sorry to say she's likely been cheating on with him for a long time, this has been in works for a while, she dumped you for him, another reason why she feels justified in transferring ownership of kids to him. "two weeks ago i went buy to see my kids and she asked me if i wanted to go with them..so i went and when we were going she started to cry i asked her if she was ok but she didn't say anything..could this mean she still has feelings for me..."She's conflicted, she knows she's broken up her kids family, too selfish to separate roles of parent and shack-up girlfriend, sees situation as having to choose between you and boyfriend as both bedmate and father, as is often the case it appears she needs a dick in her life more than her kids need their father. "i jus don't know what i should do..i feel so lost..and jus really miss my kids..."Go to court and stand up for your rights as a father, get a child support order (they're your kids, you have the obligation to support them) and visitation (they're your kids, you have the right to equal parental access). And no, fathers don't use child support as a weapon and mothers don't use visitation as one either. I'd be going ballistic is my children's mother let some total stranger move in and have unrestricted access to my kids! You have no idea who he is, he could be some scumbag pedophile who sweet-talked his way into girlfriend's life to get into your kids' bed. NEVER allow an unrelated unknown adult to sleep under same roof as your kids!That's big, big problem with shacking up, no obligation or commitment, ten years means nothing, without marriage she can trade you in and a swap meet and come home with something else, lesson she's teaching kids is they have one parent, guy shacking up is another household appliance, around for a few years but will ultimately require replacement. I'm sorry, you're not entirely without blame, obviously you had kids as casually as you shacked up, no long-term planning to ensure future in event of such contingencies, and obviously their mother has similar disregard for their interests. Honest to God, bringing in a total stranger and essentially telling your kids that he's their new dad? And you're mooning over her? That's why you get married first, THEN have kids. Kids are a lifetime commitment, you if can't commit to each other then why did you commit to them! I'm feel so sorry and sad for those kids, they're suffering the most because their parents are too busy with their own agendas, and if the parents don't care, then who does? Nobody.Boy, are they going to have a screwed-up sense of values. Their life as they knew up was pulled out from underneath them for absolutely no reason, replacement dad already installed in mom's bed, dad's suddenly vanished and God knows what she's telling them, and all you can think about is getting her back. Do you not have the self-respect to see what she's done to you and the kids?Kids live as adults what they learn as kids, assuming you and ex-girlfriend learned similar lessons, and the cycle perpetuates yet again, another generation of shack-up parents and trade-in bedmates, the kids as always suffering in silence as afterthoughts, their lives disrupted as suddenly and without warning as a natural disaster, and somehow their lives are supposed to go on because their sleeping arrangements remain unchanged, and sleeping arrangements always take priority over innocent defenseless kids' security and happiness and emotional well-being and grounding.
A
female
reader, lover06 +, writes (24 July 2012):
no not all weman are like her so move on faster then others. in her case she moved faster. i say forget about her if she does still love, you she will come back , but do go see a lawyer for your kids she cant keep your kids away from you. you should be able to take your kids and spend some time with them and that's the important thing that should matter to you.
the saying says, set your love free and when it comes back it's your and when it doesnt it was never yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): you should see a lawyer who specializes in family law. don't think of it as a last resort.
I mean, if you and your ex can't work things out as far as separating your roles as co-parents of the same kids versus "no longer in a relationship with each other" then there's no way you're going to be able to develop a relationship with your kids while remaining separate from their mother. many split up couples CAN do that, but looks like you can't and it's to be expected because you only JUST broke up so emotions are still running high.
therefore you should see a lawyer who can act as a third party go=between so you don't have to get involved with your ex on a personal level, in order to see your kids.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2012): My brother is going this situation with his son's mother. She broke up with him and started seeing someone straight away, after 10 years together. Some women tend to think that only a mother has rights, which is wrong. Unfortunately if she is not letting you have access to your children, you will need to see a lawyer and make a legal visitation which will compell her to give you the access you have a right to have.
As my brother's ex's new relationship got more serious, she was stopping my brother from his seeing his son, because she was putting her boyfriend first, and if he wanted to do something at the time when my brother would be seeing his son, she ould stop my brother from visiting his son so that her and her new boyfriend could do things with the child, after the lawyers got involved she had to realise that as much as people like to say your boyfriend/husband comes first, when children are involved doing what is best for the child or children comes before your romantic relationship. They put in place a structured visitation plan, which she must stick to. It is a hard situation and it would be better for the children if the adults could actually act like it and put the childs needs before themselves, but this rarely happens unfortunately. Be strong and I know that you have strong feelings for your ex, but she has moved on and you need to do the same. Put your strength and focus on your beautiful children and do whatever is needed to ensure you remain part of their life.
I hope this helps. As for why your ex is doing this, I can't say, every woman has their own reasons. Some are vindictive, as in if I can't have you then you can't see the children. Some have valid reasons, because their ex is abusive and they fear for their childs safety, and some women just think that only a mother matters and that the father has no rights and she is control (a power trip). No one knows her reasons. I hope thinsg work out for you, and you get access to children soon. Good Luck.
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