A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated my girlfriend for about 2.5 years i was her first and am her only sexual partner everntually we broke up, it wasnt a "break" or time apart it was an indefinate BREAK UP. i found out she wanted to get married to me, have kids start a family, i was a loser at the time, no job, no car, no money. I neglected her, I mistreated her and asked her if she wanted to break up because i didnt want to bring her down with me.. she objected many times until she finally gave in and we parted. I realized the mistake i made time later but she didnt want anything to do with me because i had hurt her badly with my neglect, disrespect and jealousy issues. In our time apart i got a good paying job and fixed my life including my personal issues etc. i tried moving on by going out, met women at clubs getting numbers, i hooked up with some girl at a party and kissed another one NO SEX!!!! Nothing serious by any means. She did the same, she started talking to some guy that worked at a gas station, she went on like 2 dates with him and on the 3rd date she kissed him, she admitted to this, her version was that she kissed him for no more then 5 to 10 seconds, and she put his hand near his crotch out of impulse for less than a second and took her hand off when she realized what she was doing and didnt want to go any further so she got out of the dudes car and called her sister to pick her up, she claims she wanted to forget me and kissed him in effort to feel something more for the guy, she wanted to see if there was chemistry, she saw this guy as an opportunity to forget about me.. a rebound if you wanna call it. Her sister who i am Very close to confirmed this, she actually told me first. My girlfriend said she was dissapointed with the kiss because she was unable to feel anything special, she claims its not that it was a bad kiss, just that she couldnt feel anything more and she was sad about it, meaning she was sad that she was unable to move on from me... She claims the guy was a great guy who tried to help her move on from me, and see's him as nothing more than a good friend, and he's a cute guy and all but cannot see anything more than a friendship. We recently got back together and she claims to still want the things prior to our break up, marriage, kids, etc with me.. she erased the guys number from her phone. I read a text of hers asking if the guy would do the same by erasing her number (I know i shouldnt have checked her phone, im sorry) i dont know if i should go forward with our relationship because im still struggling with my jealousy i know maybe its not a big deal, but i still have my insecurities... If she thinks he was attractive, maybe she wanted to go further with him, the kiss to see if she felt anything i can understand, but the fact that she placed her hand on or near his crotch no matter how short of time she placed it there implies she wanted more... doesnt it? Bieng that i was her first and only somehow makes me feel as she is no longer pure, even though the guy didnt touch her, nor did she touch him, she didnt even feel his crotch, she just kinda placed her hand there for a split second...but still its the intention that has me wondering If he still had feeling for me why would she do this? or am i just a hypocritalcal jealous jerk that doesnt deserve a second opportunity with a girl like her...again, i know she isnt lying, her sister told me and her sister NEVER lies, she's one of those loud mouth speak her mind disregarding of feeling type of girl...LOL and her mom told me too, i love her mom ANYWAY... i dont know what to do...thanks for any advice.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): I can see you are dealing with a huge amount of jealousy here, but lets take this one step at a time.
1. Your girlfriend didn't want to break up with you
Meaning: She loved you too much to leave you, only constant pressure from you made her do it
2. She tried to move on
Meaning: She was still so in love with you, she got frustrated with herself, trying to force her true feelings to change
3. She kissed 1 boy
Meaning: She was trying to forget you and ended up remembering how it felt to kiss you instead
4. She touched him very briefly
Meaning: She was remembering moments with you again, I assume something like this happened between you two when you kissed. As she said, it was a gut reaction (from being with and doing those things with you, is what she meant)
5. She didnt have sex with him
Meaning: One little kiss? You got out lucky. Most guys who get back together with girlfriends after a time apart will know that both the guy and the girl may have slept around with quite a number of people to "forget" the other person. Your girlfriend KISSED only ONE man, for a few seconds.
She didnt even make out with him.
She's as pure as pure can be. You're the only person she has ever been with sexually. And thus, she is very strongly bonded to you. That one kiss didnt work out. It made her think of you.
Final Verdict: Your girlfriend loves you a lot, despite your jealousy issues.
Problems: You two will break up again if you dont sort out the jealousy however. I can see it coming.
Solution: You need to see a counselor who works on self esteem. You need to tell that counselor every single little thing your girlfriend has ever said or done to make you jealous, nervous, or insecure. I am betting you that you have an anxiety disorder, which means you go over things in your mind again and again and again which gets you agitated, then nervous, then upset.
You can get medication and help and therapy for this. See the counselor. Be happy you got your girlfriend back. Remember she still loves you. Then makeout with her. You've got one lame kiss to erase from her lips. Shouldnt be too hard now should it...
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Well it works both ways here, you went out and you made out with another girl. At the end of the day you where both broken up so for you to judge her when she was single is not fair, even if she had sex with this other guy it still should have no impact on you, at the end of the day, the relationship was over she was trying to move on just the way that you were as well. You need to control your jealousy or else there will be no future for the both of you. You have a second chance with her now, be thankful for that instead of trying to pick out faults. Make the most of it as you might not get a third chance. You need to deal with your insecurities and pangs of jealousy.
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