A
female
age
36-40,
*helby123
writes:I have been in a relationship with the most amazing guy for the past 3 months . We currently work and live in the same town and get along so well it's a perfect match. However , I miss my friends and family at home so much and really want to move back there . He wouldn't come with me as his job is based here and his children live just a couple of hours away. Moving to my home means at least a 9 hour drive to see his children . He isn't happy continuing to work here , he misses his children too much and wants to move back to his original home too . I guess our problem is that we want each other a lot but we both want to go home . Home being the opposite ends of the country , making it hard to continue our relationship and almost impossible to advance it into marriage , kids together etc . What can I do ? I love him like mad and we are really happy with each other ? I don't want to give him up but it's killing me being so far away from my own close family , especially my nieces and nephews who are growing quick and my grandparents who are also aging fast ? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2014): I certainly can understand what it feels like when homesickness sets in. It's like the magnetic-pull of a powerful magnet. You think of all your folks, day and night.
They appear in your dreams. You miss the food, and the welcome feeling you get when you cross the threshold at the front-door, and everybody's there waiting to greet you.
The familiar smells, your neighbors, and you recognize every nook and cranny. Remember all your favorite shortcuts.
You've known the guy only 3 months. The feelings you have for him are really brand new. They are still in the stage of growing and connecting; but careful using the word "love" just quite yet.
There is so much to learn about each other and feelings often attach long before you truly know each other well enough to tag your relationship with the word "love." So his kids will come first; then your family comes first. So it is best that you go home where there is no question of who means the most to you right now.
This is a test of how really strong your love is for each other. You should return to your family and friends to answer the call in your heart, that is stronger at the moment.
So many young women are totally isolated or distanced from their families following their hearts. While the men they care for always have so many reasons not to give up what they have for love. The woman is usually the one who makes that sacrifice. If things change between them; he is already in-place. She has to prepare to leave disappointed and heartbroken; so her journey home is to mourn a loss. In this case, you leave with your feelings still in-tact. You will miss him. Nothing is truly lost; because you can still visit each other and stay in-touch.
If your love-connection is strong enough, it will withstand the distance. I've learned over the years, when it is time to go home...GO! I've lost three sisters thus far. We live in different states. I always make my trek home on a regular basis. Missing my family can be so powerful, it will fill all my thoughts. It's not just the people, but the setting of the place I call my home. I must go there.
Not just for the holidays, it's my refuge.
That's where I go to recharge and to get re-energized. My peeps are always glad to see me. I never resist that urge to return to my roots. It reminds me of how much love there is for me in this world; and makes my relationships even stronger. How does it make my relationships stronger? By reminding me that I have the capacity to love, be loved, and where that emotion originated. Home!
I don't have to sacrifice anything to keep it. Lovers may leave me, but my family is always there to catch me if that happens. They fill the empty space in my heart; when someone I thought loved me, but left me.
I think you should go home and do all you can to keep things going. If there is real love between you, you'll see just how far he is willing to go to prove how he feels for you.
The vast majority of the girls and women who come to DC about love over distance, are willing to give up everything they already have. Their families, friends, jobs, and dreams. Just to be with the man or the boy they believe they love.
I can't recall many situations where a guy was willing to do the same for a girl or a woman. Unless it was some weird obsession, and the female on the other end was trying to break free. If the guy isn't willing to meet you halfway,
don't give up anything. Go home.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2014): OP this is a situation only you can decide and I don't envy you because it's lose/lose.
You're both unhappy at the moment and as you well know love on its own is not enough.
I'd go home but only if there's the possibility of finding work there, if you can't find a job there then there's really no point going back. There is a better chance that love can make an LDR work than make you happy while missing your family.
I know you're mad about each other but it has only really been 3 months, if an LDR doesn't work out then it won't be too bad moving on.
I think you know what's going to happen here, you're both very homesick and one if not both of you is going to have to go home. But it doesn't have to be the end of the relationship.
Just as circumstances have driven you apart physically they may well bring you back together too. If you end up back home and can't find a job then you'll have to leave again and in that case you'd have someone to go be with.
OP do what will make you happy. Right now you're not so something's got to give. Of course being home will also make you a bit sad in that you'll miss your boyfriend but you have very little choice really as he's probably going to make the choice to be near his kids and soon.
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