A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Really need some advice please.I was due to get married next year and in preparation for the wedding I decided to get my teeth straightened.The initial dentist I opted to go for couldn't fit me in so referred me to another dentist- what a huge mistake!!Don't get me wrong this dentist is doing a good job but I developed the biggest crush on him... I don't even know wether to call it a crush it's that intense! From my 1st visit with him there was an attraction- its odd as he's not attractive but there was just something about him-almost like I knew we belonged together or knew him from somewhere (which I don't). I tried to brush it off and ignore it.Anyway as my visits went on my feelings grew stronger - for example I has the strongest urge to grab him and kiss him whilst he was examining me. Whenever he handed me something and touched my fingers I'd get a jolt in my stomach... I would dream of him and think about being with him etc...This then made me have serious doubts about my relationship and whether i wanted to get married. after confiding in a friend she made me realise that maybe I wasn't ready to get married and after much deliberation,I broke off my engagement.I continued going to him as I still need my teeth straightened but my feelings for him were still strong so I enquired at the surgery (I lied) that I may be moving to another town and if I could transfer my treatment over which wasn't as straight forward as I had hoped as I would need to start from scratch at the new dentist, costing me more money which I don't have! Also he is the sole dentist at the practice so I can't even asked to be transferred to another 1.What can I do?? I have another 14 months of treatment with him! I notice things (I'm sure he does with other patients too)- laugh and joke (he always seems to laugh or grin when I talk to him ) and on a few occasions been a bit cheeky telling me I talk to much!I know nothing will ever happen, he's married and has children and even if he didn't it would be unethical of him to see a patient.Also I'm not attracted to him because he's a man in authority- I used to work in a hospital, and dealt with many high powered (nice looking) doctors, consultants and plastic surgeons which I never developed any crushes on!Help!!
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female
reader, Los Cuyosoundzz  +, writes (9 September 2014):
I get the feeling that there are other issues in your relationship, and I think that breaking it off was the wisest thing to do. You're not sure that you're ready to be married, or if your fiancé was the man for you. Put yourself in your fiancé's place. Imagine if he had a crush on some professional who treated him... how would you feel about going into marriage with him? If your dentist were suddenly single (e.g., he got a divorce), would you go for him (I know it's unethical and blah blah blah)? Be honest with yourself... do you love your fiancé more, or is he just sloppy seconds? I feel like people who are married should be able to communicate openly, so should people in any relationship, such as friends. I don't think you're bad or dishonest, but if you can't tell him anything, then your relationship lacks the foundation of trust and communication that is vital to marriage. I've never been married but I know that trust and communication are a foundation for any type of relationship.
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 September 2014):
 You cant do anything. You did the right thing though, by breaking off the engagement because I'm sure it wasn't just the crush but other issues in your relationship which made you realize that your fiancé isn't right for you.
Your dentist is married and you know that nothing can happen so you just have to deal with it. Work on being single for a while. You'll get over the crush in time.
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A
female
reader, ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou +, writes (7 September 2014):
I think your friend is right, you're not ready. Don't you have any friends or family members who're dentists? If not, then the advice I can give is when you see him, and the feelings start to spin, imagine how his wife would be feeling. How would YOU be feeling? Think of the terrible guilt you'd be feeling. Just try and let go of these feelings.
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